Saturday, December 10, 2011

A night of cooking, cleaning and relaxing

Two exams down and I'm brain-dead! Instead of attempting to study and just get more tired and possibly teary-eyed, I made nachos.

With a whole wheat base, mushrooms, onion, green pepper, tomato, and feta cheese with garlic
and a black bean salsa. This just seemed like a much better idea than pizza tonight and I do believe I was right. One Lifetime movie (Final Sale) later, and I'm having a girly night...all it needs is a bottle of wine.

Guess what I'm coming home to?

Studying is going extremely well (as usual) I decided to take this opportunity to introduce you, my loyal fan club (of three people and my mom) to my cat. This is Ezzy. The sounds you hear are her trying to breathe and eat at the same time. I suggest you make a drinking game of this and take a shot every time someone laughs (I have no personal or legal responsibility if anyone takes me seriously).

The ultimate question in life: Should I order pizza now or later?

That exam I just did? Totally kicked it's butt...It may have officially bent over the desk and exposed it's rear-end only to be slammed by a piece of plywood held by me. That's right...I'm awesome...I hope.

Typically, I walk into my exams the most over-confident individual you'll ever see. By the time the exam is over, I'm usually great. Once I get back to my office, sit down for a moment and hang up the phone with my mom...I get a little voice saying "Perhaps you didn't do so well." Now, I know that voice is a) not a result of my being slightly off the deep end, and b) not real; however, I'm still slightly shaken that perhaps, this will be the one time that I don't do as well as I thought...Can I have my grade back please???

Now, time to study for my sociology exam at 7pm, and after, I will celebrate by taking out trash (my roommate and I tend to be slightly messy at times but in our defence, we're both incredibly busy), ordering pizza, dancing around like a complete idiot to Glee and perhaps some TFK or something equally as awesome...that's right peeps...I'm staying sober. Holy crap.

I think I'll clean my room, get a long, lovely some laundry so I don't completely smell terrible? Oh, this is actually surprisingly exciting! I may even clean other the bathroom, perhaps do dishes...well, lets not get carried away.

This is truly the university experience. When you finish that first round of exams and get so excited about just being totally clean again...just feeling as though you're not a total grease bucket who's mother would disown you after crying over the attack of the killer laundry pile...that's the nitty-gritty university experience. Enjoy it because someday, there will be someone else saying "sweetie...please clean up your socks" and you'll have to insert earplugs to drown them out.

Now, to study for a sociology exam in 1 3/4 hours. Wish me luck...or at least, text me the correct answers!

Sheep being led to slaughter

It's 15 minutes until my first exam of the season. Ho ho's your zero? I'm fully confident that I will pass - even more confident that I will getat least a B+ if not an A-...yep, I'm that girl...the one who studies throughout the term, works hard, plays harder, and gets decent marks. I'm also stressed most of the time, working on developing an ulcer from stress and have some terrible coping mechanisms for dealing with said stress (which, I do believe, would add to an ulcer).
Anyways, with 10 minutes to go I am prepped. My 'Exam Prep Kit' is as followed: 1 bottle of diet pepsi (minimum 591 mL), 1 bag of M&M's (prefer skittles but cafeteria is out), 1 bag of gummy candy (would replace with chocolate if caf had skittles), 2 pens (one black, 1 blue), 1
sharpie (for additional notes), 1 sharpie highlighter (for key points to address in paragraphs), 1 pack of gum (gives an additional 20 minutes of stress relief plus less chance of chocolate breath), ID card (required), 1 mint lip gloss (because it's yummy).
Bring it on Prof. F...but please be kind...

Taken out of context, everything is funny

If you take a text out of context, it can be epically hilarious, exceptionally terrible or just plain wrong. I happen to adore my friends but...well, lets just say I never know what's coming out of their thumbs!

"Yes, I've also decided to become a born-again virgin until marriage."
-Dec 9/10:30pm

"Smoking kills!!"
-Dec 8/7:48pm

"LOL, right. U spent months getting attention from this one man, then one day it all ends and when he morns the loss of ur affection he's the crazy one =D women"
-Dec 5/9:46pm

"Lol, I can offer to replenish the troops strength with donuts"
-Nov 29/12:46pm

"'Greatness Demands Sacrifice' Once one accepts the truth things start to fall into perspective"
-Nov 27/ 12:48pm

"Haha well. This has to be the smartest artsy I know"
-Dec 6/10:15pm

"And yea the commons... A $20 million dollar disaster"
-Dec 6/ 10:22pm

"I'm not that daft"
-Dec 3/2:19am

"Ok good. I am adorable aren't I"
-Dec 3/ 3:03pm

"I saw you on TV! on the Interwebs!"
-Nov 30/ 8:44pm

'Acceptable' is an odd concept

What is acceptable behaviour in students changes during exam time because of an amount of stress similar to having ones intestines hauled out ones throat with pliers. Welcome to the world of being a good university student:

1) Showering is sometimes optional. You have an exam in 2 hours? You're not prepared? You smell? Possibly jump in 15 minutes before with your bagel...however, chances are you'll be too busy to care about your fellow classmates discomfort. Please, at least wear clean boxers!

2) We bite. Not literally *chomp* bite (Well EG may disagree with me as may DM because I do, in fact bite sometimes) but we get grumpy and nasty and angry. I read a line about the Jewish people and how they could not express anger towards the SS in the camps so they took out their frustration on each other at tired brain wrote this: "I can't get angry with Prof.F because she is doing her job so I'm grumpy with everyone else"...Definitely isn't a Holocaust...but at least I'll remember that little tidbit.

3) Our bad habits become lifesavers. Not sleeping, eating quickly and whatever is available, smoking, I don't care what it's just one more day/hour/ what you need to do to get through. In our medicalized society, there's a pill for that.

4) You lose track of time. It's're studying. 2pm- sleeping. 3pm- panicking. 7pm exam. 10pm studying for next exam. 11pm- twitching in corner. 11:16pm- laughing hysterically as you're introduced to a white coat. As long as you can get through the two weeks of hell, you'll be fine. If you can't...enjoy the padded walls, darlin'.

A breakfast sandwich and diet pepsi later and I'm back to studying.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Mentally ill and normal

Mental illness has always been a serious worry in my life. As well as I do cope, I'm bipolar. It's not 'hidden' because I don't hide it but it's managed. I live a very healthy lifestyle, try not to overindulge on alcohol especially (contrary to my blog persona) and get enough sleep to...well, I try to sleep.

This article has my story as written by Hilary Paige Smith. In all honesty, it was the scariest thing I've ever done. Is there potential to be judged? Of course. Does the fact that I attempted to kill myself define who I am? Not even a little bit.

I'm the success story to say the least. I'm now 25, have been off medication for almost two years and have done everything I can to stay 'healthy.' I honestly have to give a huge thank you to Hilary for writing this piece. It's a scary thing to talk's a scary subject in general.

Back to's been a long day.


This is the type of mother I would be...and this is why my womb remains barren.

It's just a writer thing

On the 19th at 8:30am, a time I rarely bother to wake for, I'll be heading back into the halls of hell known as high school. As EIC of The B, and a writer in University, I offered to drop by and explain what my job is, how it works for me and how doing it opens doors...and here's what I can't tell the eager young minds I'll attempt to mold.

-Drinking is a coping mechanism. Angry? Hungry? Exhausted? Bored? Writers block? Have a shot or two and call it a night. Yes, people say drinking shouldn't be a coping mechanism but really, my favorite thoughts come from a whiskey-soaked brain at times.

-People do things in your office that would make a CSI team giggle with excitement. Enjoy those thoughts and break out the Lysol.

-You will never get paid enough when your writing is
harshly criticized.

-You'll never be the best. Strive for better than most.

-You may attempt to inject coffee into your veins. Also, your IV bag when you do this will have some sort of stimulant.

-You'll consider doing may or may not reconsider.

-You won't have time for a healthy relationship.

-Smoking is not really want to believe it is but at 3am on a production weekend, sobbing over an essay that just isn't getting whatever.

-You'll never trust anyone fully and you'll be able to spot even a tiny lie from a distance.

But the one thing I can tell them: If you love it, none of this crap matters.

In need of whiskey and beer...and tequila: Figuring out the opposite sex

My new favorite line:

"Life was much easier when you could just pass a note that said, "Check yes or no...." and if they checked no, you could trip them on the playground, and then just move on."
-Girl's Got Shine

It really is so true though...And in the meantime, I want to talk to D and tell him he should ditch his friends tomorrow and go out with me for drinks after my exams...or else trip him

Exams make the vegetarian crave bacon

The normal student will sacrifice almost anything to get a better grade on their exams. They will stay up late, fuse their ass to the chair, develop carpal tunnel and start twitching because of the large amounts of caffeinated beverages they ingested.

They may develop a slight drug habit that goes like this: Morning- take caffeine pill with coffee, mid-afternoon- take Tylenol because of caffeine headache. Dinner- another caffeine pill combined with Tylenol as not to have headache. Supper- consider finding friend who has Ritalin, think against it in the haze of sleeplessness and consider whiskey...think against that too and drink a cuppa coffee. Bedtime snack- tranquilizer. The same student will lose muscle (except in their derriere where they will grow muscles that were previously nonexistent).

The typical shower routine no longer exists either. The student will attempt to shave their legs while eating a bagel in the shower, using their toe to swirl around laundry. Do you know why manufacturers put "Warning: Do not use in the shower" on blow-dryers and toasters? It's because of university students! It gets even better when women attempt to shave. Unibrows become a fashion trend, women will compete for the longest leg hair as a badge of honour. Yes, at exam time we are all different people...

Finally, there are those of us (like myself) who has almost given up before exams. I know I'll do okay...maybe even better than okay...but my brain is saying "I want bacon." Bacon, as LG says, is the 'gateway meat.'

Time to study...over & out!

The Curse of the Red Dress

A night filled with great food, drinks and friends makes for an incredible time except for the (insert scary music here) 'Curse of the Red Dress.' Every time I wear this dress, something obscure happens where I wake up saying: "What did I do/text/say?" Usually it also involves: "Who did I kiss?" however, I am free and innocent this time.

My gaggle of friends met at BigTide, which I highly recommend. I drank, I did shots, I sat on my publisher's (Mr. AE) lap and asked for peace on Earth...or at least, peace between him and my darling friend, EG for a night. Finally, I went home with EG, watched 'An American Horror Story' and 'Fright Night' (which was actually decent amidst the screaming and the blood).

(Above: the cursed dress)

The curse comes in a few ways as are nicely illustrated below:

1) I ripped the heel of my boot...not badly but I love my new boots and that sucked!
2) I smoked (ew).
3) I called S. Honestly, I don't really want to hang out with him again but I feel bad not talking to friends. Oh well.
4) I do believe I argued with EG about why a couch was less moral to sleep on than a bed (my valid points are: you can do the same thing on a couch as you do a bed, you can have sex easier sitting up on a couch- even if the bed has a big headboard, and you're almost layered on one another so beds are more appropriate).
5) LG grabbed my boobs looking for my nipple (over my dress). I'm not sure if she found it amidst the padding.
6) I called J. a duck while trying to write an f*bomb. Whoops to BOTH!
7) My favorite moment of the night though was as EG decided to completely rag on me about my choice in men, I grabbed his hip to see if his previous girlfriend had broken his pelvis if she was on well as many other low-brow, terrible jokes. He stopped making his jokes and I stopped making mine!
8) I realized the last time I wore the dress the same crap happened...I drunk-texted, fell out a window onto a roof and my knee took over a month to heal up, kissed a guy who had a girlfriend, and had a great time in general :)
Ahh the joys of being young and stupid!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Five steps 'till sober...I want to go back to step two

I'm attempting to study. I do believe attempt is the key word in this sentence. In my attempts at procrastinating over the past two days I have:

-had my hair done
-went shopping
-did my hair for the Christmas party
-painted my toenails
-rearranged my room
-tried on all my clothes for the Christmas party
-slept over at a friend's house...slept in always a gray word in my vocabulary
-went for a walk with Eyoha
-texted numerous friends
-have spent countless hours on Facebook

and a blog...This is slightly pathetic and I will be kicking myself in the butt for it when I'm cramming as I have yet to start studying for my Holocaust course.

Fingers crossed....and maybe my toes as well

Lights are on & no one's home

It's raining outside...not just a sprinkle, but a true "Noah's Ark" kind of rain. It's the sort of weather where I expect to see a short person drown in a puddle or a family of ducks take over the Athletics Center parking lot. If I was more descriptive with my words, I would describe the water flowing around the Fero dumpsters in some poetic way...but alas, I'm more literal.

It is, however, comical to see people dashing from their car to the closest door...I have my flip flops on and my dress on as I live in residence. It's this type of weather in which I realize how much I truly appreciate the tunnel system.

I would say it is now time to stop procrastinating, grab some food from Tim Horton's and then, buckle down and study for exams.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

My 'firsts' in 2011

The year is almost over, isn't it? With a presentation that I have yet to start drawing even closer (it's currently 11:44am & the presentation of 'Felicia's Journey' is to be done at 1:15pm), I decided to start my traditional 'List of First's for the Year.' 2011 is drawing to an end and I certainly had some amazing goes:

1) I took four evenings off from studying/homework and went off campus during the school year.
2) I wrote a ten page essay in one week.
3) I screwed up in 'The Baron' and stated 'I don't really care...I'm proud of it anyway.'
4) I didn't have a panic attack all year
5) I've spent an entire year single (technically more towards the end of December).
6) I went 6 months without dating/hooking-up/etc.
7) I biked from Saint John to Grand Manan (about 6 hours).
8) I tried being vegan (and love it but don't have time/patience during school).
9) I kissed someone shorter than me.
10) I lost 100lbs!!!
11) I was willing to risk a friendship for my job.
12) I was willing to risk my grades for a friend.
13) I realized how much I love, value and respect my sister.
14) I found the perfect Christmas present for Dad.
15) I realized who I want to be...and started working towards it.
16) I have gone an entire year without medication.
17) I was able to tell my ex-husband not to talk to me but still be polite and civil.
18) I was able to say "I'm not interested but thanks"
19) I stopped to talk to someone who was asking for change. I didn't have change but did grab them a coffee.
20) I realized that, sadly, my dad has corrupted me and turned me into a fan of Star Trek.
21) I watched 'Toddlers and Tiaras' and I like it! Legal child abuse...creepy yet satisfying
22) It's much more satisfying to smile and get even than it is to get angry immediately.
23) I was on CBC news
24) I was in the Telegraph Journal, on the news, and two radio stations in one day
25) I protested
26) I went to Ottawa
27) and Sackville
28) That protest? My roommate and I organized it.
29) I also did a petition
30) I stopped shaking every time I was confronted with something bad.
31) I learned to be confident in myself
32) I learned to make a Whiskey Sour
33) I found a hair colour that works!!!
34) I became an aunt.

And finally...I realized that I can make a difference.