Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Pants aren't on the ground because they're stuck to your junk

Have you ever felt the desire to stare at someones crotch? I don't mean like a leering perv...seriously, I don't. I have a friend. His name is Anonymous. He likes his pants tight.

We're talking oil up his legs, jump from second floor into pants that have been clipped into a ring for his tooshie to fit in. I'm sure he has an extremely deep baritone voice but speaks normally because his testes are in the back of his throat.

Any tighter and one of two things are going to happen:

Option 1- He loses circulation in his junk and it falls off.

Option 2- He loses circulation in his legs and his entire lower body is destroyed.

Neither of these are optimistic outcomes.

He also does the 'whiskered' jeans which, to me say, "I am man, stare at my penis in awe and glorify it.' I'll get to being in the state of 'awe and glory' later.

My plan is, for his birthday, buy him pants like these. I really hope he likes them.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Tomorrow morning, I will be getting up and running around like a crazy maniac as I head to British Columbia. That's right - I'm off to a land that isn't freezing cold (well, AS freezing cold).

Currently, I'm swamped as I attempt to get homework done and a thesis proposal started. WHEEEEEE!

Have I mentioned I love my busy life? Today, I met with the Canadian Blood Services Mobile Unit for New Brunswick to get ready for a (hopefully) set blood clinic at the University. I'm unbelievably excited for this!

Off to homework. Gnight world.

Monday, January 9, 2012

The questions I wish I could ask

Have you ever had one of those days when you want to ask a question and just can't? Whether it's in a job (or outside the job because I don't post about work on here unless it's good things), I've had one of those days where everything I want to ask would be politically incorrect.

Instead of getting slapped numerously, I'm writing all the questions I wanted to ask but didn't...

-Did you gain weight over Christmas?
-So, how good is he in bed to give him that much money?
-Are you stupid or just so cocky that you think you'll never get caught?
-Are your parent's siblings?
-Do you not check you e-mails or are you afraid of me?

Over lunch:
-Is there a reason you're speaking to me as though you're important?
-Aren't you just a glorified secretary?
-Isn't that your job?
-Do I care about your squeamish issues?

-Why are you complaining about being fat when you're eating crap and admittedly not exercising?
-Why are you making me explain this yet again?
-Would you like to keep insulting me or would you rather I just slap you now?

If you think this may be about you, it probably isn't...but you may want to reevaluate why you think it is about you in the first place.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I'm done!!

Finished my liquid fast at 9:00pm tonight...let me tell you what...the mushrooms, red pepper, bit of blue cheese and 1/2 can of tuna (and jello with whipped cream for dessert) was AMAZING!

Tomorrow, I'm making a grilled haddock with veggies over a bed of wilted spinach. Pictures will most certainly follow!

30 day shred plus a crappy diet

Last night, I had a minor meltdown. I felt completely lonely and just sat in my room and cried. Now, for those of you who know me, stop freaking out and assuming I've gone completely bonkers.

The diet I'm on - which admittedly is unhealthy and won't be kept up for very long until I go back to sensible portions and tons of veggies - has me stressed. I'm trying to fit into a dress that I bought and realized doesn't fit as nicely as I would like.

It fits...but it reminds me of a book I read in high school where a sister (Jessica Wakefield from Sweetvally High), compared her sister to a sausage as she had gained weight and didn't fit into a size 8. I am my very own vegetarian sausage in a dress.

Since I've been back to UNBSJ, I've lost 9 pounds and 2 inches from my stomach (since the 3rd). My arms are down another inch from this summer and I've finally got back to drinking water (well, water with the aid of Crystal Light). I go to the gym for 45 minutes each morning Monday to Friday and for 30 days, I'm doing the 'Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred," of which I am currently in day 5.

I'll admit, I'm always skeptical of workout videos but results were typical in 5 days so I figured I'd try it out...that and I downloaded it. Okay, the bloody video killed me in day 1 and 2. 3 minutes strength, 2 minutes cardio, 1 minute abs and do that 3 times. By day 5, I actually am looking forward to it. I've got more muscle definition than I think I've ever had (thank you push ups) and I'm not mimicking a bowl full of jelly around the tummy area as much.

Although I'm exercising correctly (I'm high energy as is and have been in pretty good shape for the past 6 months), my diet is crap. Yesterday was juice, coffee, water, and a smoothie for supper. Today is about the same.

In my thinking, a diet is short term to achieve a may be to fit in a dress or to lose 5lbs but it isn't a 'good' thing. Diets may give you results but it's taxing on the body and honestly, I'm not a crier and I'm an emotional wreck.

While putting myself through this torture for a few pounds, I'm already finding ways to modify my workouts, eat leaner and more healthy, and curb cravings for sugary foods. For me, this restriction is a test for a week or two but after that, I'm introducing the foods that I crave and miss...sushi, baked seafood, dark leafy greens, cauliflower, sweet potato, vegan cream cheese, yogurt, fresh fruit...hmm, no chocolate on that list at all.

I officially cannot wait until I get back from BC to cook for myself and get a big plate of warm spinach salad with balsamic vinegar and salmon. Maybe some grilled red peppers with it...yummy!