Okay ladies and gentlemen of the university scene. Welcome to Sam Tinker, author of the notorious 'TinkerTimes Blog' Writing Course for Dummies. Today we will focus on how to write an essay in 10 easy steps. This may very well change your life (and if it does, please slip a thank you note with 10$ enclosed under my dorm room door).
1) Get food and drink - you will be hungry because your brain is frying. I suggest veggies to start with water and then, as the due date draws near, move to chocolate, candy and diet pepsi. Crisps are always a good choice too as is pizza.
2) Background noise - This is debatable. I prefer background noise (usually TLC) but some people get distracted (Admittedly, I do). Decide what you need and do it.
3) The later, the more creative - When 3am comes, you're going to want to go to bed and, like being drunk, your inhibitions will go down. You'll make crazy connections to random crap and think it's brilliant...and sometimes it is. Go with it. Sleep is for the weak...and the failing.
4) Research - I get at least 10 pages of single spaced research before I even attempt my essay. If you can do this, you can write. It may still be crap - but at least you are handing in something and it shows you did try.
5) Tylenol and heating pads - Not only for that time of the month, but for the stress in the back of your neck and shoulders as well as the hunchback position you've maintained for the entire week...medication is your friend.
6) Coffee - Tea is no substitute. Get your coffee and drink it like a man. If you stir it and your spoon comes out unscathed, make it stronger. Chew it...chew it....
7) Get comfy - To all you girls that try to look cute all the time, up yours. When writing an essay, you should look like crap. Hair does not need to be brushed (either on head or legs), you will probably smell like stale pizza and coffee after 24 hours in the same spot, there will be black circles engulfing your face and sweat pants are your pantsuit. Deal with it and don't answer the door.
8) Don't get too lazy - Please still put on deodorant, brush teeth and shower occasionally. If there was a fire in res, I don't want to be stuck next to the stinky one.
9) Forget your diet - It makes people crazy. Go for the good food. Expect to gain a little weight at the end of the semester if you're an emotional eater - or just like snacking. The summer is coming and so is the good running season.
10) Reward yourself - Make a list of all the things you'll do for yourself when finished this essay but at least take a few hours to yourself before delving back into the research that is a history major's life.