my own advice

One of the pieces of advice I gave in my article was that regret is sometimes worse than sadness...so guess who's over for pizza and a movie? That's right, Pookie.

So I'm off to indulge in vegetarian pizza and Immortals and go from there.

A snipet of my editoral this week

Saying goodbye is one of the worst feelings in the world – the reason is because when you say goodbye to a person you care about, a piece of your heart stays with them. It means you’ll always be there for them and you’ll forever have a piece of them in your heart.

This week, I said goodbye to two of my good people for two completely different reasons. I broke up with an amazing person because he’s leaving to go to Fredericton in the fall. I was scared to say goodbye then, so I walked away now. Dr. Phil may ask how that worked for me – it worked but it didn’t make it better. To everyone who is in a position like this, don’t shy away from your friends (or relationships) because you’re afraid to be hurt. Regret can be worse than sadness.

I’m also in the process of saying goodbye to one of those people who walked into my life and changed my life for the better. He taught me that it’s possible to like everyone although I actually haven’t learned how to yet. He’s the sort of person that I am so blessed to have met but school is over for him and real life must begin. I can only wish him the best and threaten to visit because I want to pet a camel.

This has been the hardest one to write - I've been sitting here for 30 minutes crying but I also think it's the most truthful I've ever been in an editorial.

Thoughts of the day

Since I don't have much to write about - it was a slack day - I'm going to put some thoughts on here.

-I don't think you're evil but you piss me off on a daily basis.
-You're probably the best guy I ever dated and I broke my own heart.
-Wedding stories do NOT make breakups easier
-Crying can actually begin to cause pain around the eyes
-I want the occasion to wear a poofy dress
-There's a 40 of vodka in my room but I'm not drinking tonight
-The main thought on my mind: "What if woke up one morning and said, 'I love you'?"
-I miss you...a lot
-I'm going to miss you more than I can even type.
-I want pizza. Greasy yummy pizza...and garlic fingers.

A day without smiling

It's been a weird day - I've been on the verge of crying but haven't cried. I've felt as though my heart is missing something useful - I miss the texts and the hugs...and him.

I keep thinking it's for the best - it is, right? I'm going to Quebec (I hope) in July and when I come back, he won't be there...so break up now means less heartache.

Oh, why can't I go back to just being witty right now. I think I like me more that way. I do believe vodka and I are going to have a strong relationship tonight.

Love is like Skittles or other gummy foods

I'm still a fan of happy endings - to all the smart-asses out there that are pulling down their pants, I will play 'nutslap' so don't even start with me however, at this moment in my life I have established that love is something like eating skittles.

A few skittles are the equivalent of dating - you feel good, you're happy, you have a bit of a rush...it's awesome!

Later on, you ate WAY too many skittles and now your stomach hurts, you've gained 10lbs, and you realize you're pooping a rainbow of colours - not so good.

There has to be balance - and that's something I'm lacking. I don't have time to eat skittles right now - I have things to do...So love, you're on the backburner for a few more years.

I'll miss you

Part of university means watching your friends grow up and move away - but that doesn't make it any easier.

So instead of saying goodbye, I'm asking my friends who moved away to make a promise:

Promise to be happy in the path you choose and if you're not, don't be afraid to go down another road.

The Breakup

Unlike a movie, this kind of hurts more than I wanted it too. My idea was the sooner I break up with him, the easier it would be - because right now I just want to lay in my bed and cry.

I know his reasoning is 'have fun now - enjoy time together' but I just keep feeling closer and closer and finding more things about him that I like...and I didn't want to end up hurt.

So yes, it's for the best. But no, it's not easy or good or something that I should be congratulated on. Honestly, I just want to pretend nothing needs to be done this weekend...which isn't true.

my perfect response

I really am too honest for my own good:

Boy - BTW- bad news about the weekend- I am seeing someone so no hanky-panky avec moi. Still drink, though?

Sam- hmm...nah lol. (Really, what else did you expect from me?) I could pretend and say 'drinking + myself = mischief....but really I think it's because we just have more fun naked. Thanks anyways!

**For the record, not everything you read on this blog is true.

I need to be a politician

In all sincere honestly, I think I need to run for politics (Just not stupid - I mean - student politics because the elections are far too easy to cheat in).

Here are my top 10 reasons why:

1) I believe that everyone deserves to be heard...even if they are dumb - People elected me, therefore, they deserve to be heard. If they're not, I'm not doing my job correctly. I would suggest a certain Tim Horton's and we could sit down and chat.

2) I won't lie in elections- How many scandals do you hear of during the election campaign? That won't happen with me because I'll own it - "Yes, I did have sex with that woman and it was great!" "Of course I smoked pot in university...and I decided it hurt my lungs too much so I developed a new form of cookie." "Yes I got drunk. I didn't drive and I didn't have to work the next day. Honestly, you'll probably like me more after a few gin and club soda's."

3) I don't need to badmouth people- Look, if I wanted to sling shit, I'd work on a farm and manure the fields. They can badmouth and I'll probably say most of it's true...

4) I'm not afraid of being disliked- I don't feel the need to be liked or even respected...respect is earned and being liked...well, that happens sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. I'm a believer in sticking up for people, especially people with less of a voice that tend to be oppressed therefore, I'm used to not being liked.

5) I refuse to show off my tits- Hint hint...anyone who knows the story behind THIS is probably still attempting to withhold motorboating because they are rightthere-inyourface-can'tmissthem-holycrap-please get dressed properly and seriously, your mother let you out like that?...I can see your friggin'...nevermind.

6) I hate politics- I say it like it is, don't want to get caught up in drama and don't mind being blunt. Don't twist your knickers and lose a testicle - seriously, I'll own them by the time we're done talking anyways.

7) I have been married, divorced, educated and in blue collar work- I didn't feel the need to jump into university so I've been a waitress. Here's a thought: you can tell a person's character by how he treats his waitress - if he's a jerk to her, he should be taken out back and thrown in the dumpster. They don't get paid enough for manure.

8) I like the media- I really do like the spotlight and have no problems saying "yep, I messed up and here's how I'm planning to fix it." I would rather say "I am amazing and the temple in my honour should go a little more to the left..." but unfortunately, the opportunity to build the Shrine of Sammy has not yet happened at UNBSJ...yet!

9) I won't get caught in a sex scandal - Mostly because I'll just say "yep, did him, her...not sure about that one...I was drunk"...okay, just kidding. I won't get caught in a sex scandal because I'm not a scandalous person (anymore). I'm not pulling a Tiger or a Clinton because I don't like cheating on one's wife or husband (Ladies, your men are safe...men, your ladies are also safe...)

10) Because I want to prove Harper is not human and is, in fact, a Harper-bot- My intentions would be to walk up, kick him in the balls and when he doesn't writhe in pain like a normal man, take that as proof in front of the camera that yes, he is indeed, a non-human android attempting to take over politics for the Toyota company...

Vote Sam!

Peeing

My favorite moments go like this:

Sam: I don't get it. I just don't get it. I hate this. This is stupid. SHE'S STUPID!

Anthony: What's stupid?

Sam: I have to pee.

Anthony: Thanks for sharing - do you also need to poop?

Sam: (insert bad word that I can't say because my mom reads this blog) you

*gets up, goes to bathroom and pees (time lapses) goes back to office*

Sam: Anthony, I figured it out...I was peeing and I realized (insert realization here).


That's right...I am Einstein as I pee. Dear Doc F., please let me write next exam with a jug of water and on a toilet. Sincerely, Sam.

PS: I wonder if I could get a medical excuse for bladder-brain syndrome - I've heard of water on the brain but this is just outtasight!

Human sexuality part 2

Have you ever looked at a penis and thought, "OMG, there's something wrong with that thing?" As I'm staring at a picture of 'mild hypospadias' (an abnormal location of the urethral meatus [hehe...meat] on the underside of the glans), I'm beginning to realize, we are some messed up creatures.

I am glad I'm kinda normal...but I'm still convinced if I squeeze hard enough a mini-testicle might pop out. Last time I tried though, I popped a blood vessel in my eye.

Abortion debate

I have a problem with both pro-choice and pro-life groups when it comes to abortion. Here it is - people will still get abortions legally or illegally, right? So make it legal (not out of taxpayers money) and give people the right to choose their own decisions and their own paths.

Pro-choice groups tend to say "it's my right" or "you're not a feminist if you don't agree"...you know what, I'm a feminist but I don't think I could ever have an abortion. Do I think it should be illegal - no. Do I support someone who decides that's what they're going to do - I don't agree with it but I'll still love the person. It's a really grey area and it truly depends on my relationship with the person - but making this illegal leaves some women to turn to coat-hangers. Yeah, that sounds sarcastic but it's not. It's a terrible, back ally fake-medical scary reality.

Pro-life groups tend to tick me off more. Look, I get the idea that you think it's a baby - so do some people who HAD an abortion. Guilt is NOT the way make people rethink their decision (partly because that child is already dead in their minds) - neither is telling a tragic story in front of Tim Horton's. There's something called therapy - do it. If I need to hear stories, I'll go to the internet or better yet, I'll go ask. I don't want to hear about abortion as I talk to my friends about schoolwork and attempting to get my coffee. Thanks but no thanks.

I support the right to freedom of speech but I also support "Sam wants her friggin' coffee sans dead baby". There's this place called a classroom - if people want to go, they will. If they don't want to hear it, they won't.

For me, I've made my decision personally and I CHOOSE to be pro-choice because I made a choice. If you make something pro-life or whatever you call it, you're letting an outside medical facility decide your own body. Is that a little creepy to you? What about if someone goes in for drug treatment? -I'm anti-drug so they're on their own...ooh, or blood transfusions -there's religions that are against that...and oral sex...so no more of that (for the record, to all you women who have ever given a blow job - you potentially swallowed the next Prime Minister and as that man is currently Stephen Harper - you did the world a favour). And birth control - nope, can't have any of that either.

How about breathing tubes or life-saving measures? Realistically, there are religious views that are against those to? Look, for me it is (in part) a religious belief. I believe a fetus is a baby and by the time I would realize I was pregnant, it's a baby. Thing is, maybe we should offer sound medical advice (by actual medical professionals - not anyone who gets on the Planned Parenthood or Pro-Life hotlines) and tell people their REAL options...with REAL side effects and real decisions that will have to be made.

It's not about scenario - you can't say "well, you've been raped so it's okay to have an abortion"...people lie. You can't say "well, the condom broke for you so you can have one..." again, people lie. Make a personal decision and quit making other people feel bad...or nauseous as they attempt to get their coffee.

Yes, I'm being crass and I may not be making much sense. I'll go through this later and attempt to make more but this is a very personal issue and I just don't agree with a Tim Horton's area being the best place to hold an anti-abortion chat.

Ice cream and studying

There is a positive correlation between studying and ice cream in my world. Even though it decimates my stomach - I have realized that studying needs ice cream. A lot of ice cream...and then I wonder why I'm not tiny...it's because I like food.

The stuff I've done in the past year

Have you ever thought you don't do enough? I have always said I am so privileged to be at this university - to be at any university, really. I went from an abusive, crappy marriage to being the person I have always wanted to be. I wake up in the morning happy to be alive - and that's something since I deal with bipolar and have been suicidal before.

I was asked to write a list of what I've done this year for a reference letter - the professor who wanted it knew some things I have done and the academic work I've done. I wrote 1.5 pages in size 10 font.

Lately, I've felt as though my volunteering and contributions haven't been enough, but in all honestly, I've just done different things this year. From speaking to a grade 10 class, helping out with WUSC when I can or even just working with the paper, I really do love trying to give back.

Okay, so this isn't a blog of "I'm amazing" but it is to say maybe we should take inventory of our lives more often...see if we're on the path we want to be. If we are, we can take a moment to be happy and know that we're touching lives. If we aren't...we have the opportunity to change it.

Would you cheat?

That is the question of all questions, isn't it? What is cheating exactly? If someone kisses me and I don't kiss back, is that cheating? What if I kneed him in his manhood as he kissed me and left one of his testicles in his nostril? Would I still have been cheating?

What if I didn't cheat physically, but was cheating emotionally? Is there such a thing as emotionally cheating? If there is, where is my emotional penis located (what can I say? I'm more like a guy when it comes to emotions!)?

Is cheating a sign that you're not happy? Is it a sign that you're just a terrible person?

Cheating is such a subjective action - like love (yes, love is an action). Love can be expressed in different ways - words, emotions, actions. So can cheating - hateful words against the person you're with, emotionally cheating or wanting to be with someone else, or just hopping in the sack...it's all cheating.

I guess what I don't understand is why people - myself included because I've done it - cheat. It's like morning sickness - sans fetus. I wake up in the morning and that's the first thing on my mind -then I puke...and throughout the day, sometimes I feel terrible with waves of nausea (yep, I'm that sort of emotional) - and other times, I forget about it.

BTW - I'm still in the process of deciding whether I can handle a relationship but I don't think cheating is the best way to do it - seems like an easy way to get him to break up with me...but I'd feel rotten. New plan: Skywriting "I like you too much to do this any longer"...that works, eh?

DILLIGAF

I usually get nervous when dealing with confrontation - as Anthony will attest to. It's not that I'm scared but I start to panic, worry, and then just go a little batcrap crazy...and obsess over the situation.

Oddly enough, I have a meeting tonight that I'm sure will be interesting and I'm to a point of - in the infamous words of Kat Von D - DILLIGAF. That's right - Do I look like I give a F***?

There is a time and a place for drama - it's place is on stage at the Imperial Theater. As far as my world goes, it can go somewhere else because I'm done. I have yet to ever give credit to people who cannot explain, at least via e-mail, what is wrong and will not start now. I don't do passive-aggressive, I don't accept threats, and I certainly don't laugh off things I find important.

The crappiest I felt in the past two weeks is when I doubted myself - and instead of dealing with something I took seriously, I laughed it off. You know what - My big girl panties are back on and I think it's time to set things right again.

Odd question

Where the heck is Tunisia? Thanks for checking out my blog all you folks from...well, wherever it is you're from. I'm googling it as I write :)

Ahh...so that's where it is!

Reality Check

Welcome to the real world - you might not be there yet, but someday you will be.

When it comes to handling a complaint about someone, especially in a workplace, put on your big boy boxer-briefs and listen up to the following tips otherwise, you may very well land on your ass when you get a real job and have to handle a real complaint...and I'll be there with my Canon to take a picture.

1) Go to the person- Don't go to your manager, supervisor or anyone else unless you realize the situation is dangerous (ex: they throw knives). You will be seen as a whiny sook and that isn't a character trait for promotions. Suck it up and address the situation yourself.

2) Be to the point- Generalizations are for conversation. Want to be taken seriously? Make a point and then give your evidence. You don't need to be rude but don't be whishy-washy or try to make small-talk - it's irritating.

3) Be prepared to defend your statement with alternatives - Expect the person to ask how you would handle a situation better in an attempt to resolve it accordingly. It's called constructive criticism for a reason, folks. The sooner you learn it, the easier life is.

4) Don't swear- It seems meaner than you're trying to be.

5) Don't take crap- There is a difference between resolving a situation and being crapped on. If you feel as though the person isn't listening, isn't trying or doesn't care, walk away and go above them...AFTER trying to talk to them first though.

6) Do not use an overarching umbrella term- Vague statement are not only unproductive, they're annoying. If you have a problem with someone, be specific. You don't like their cologne, don't talk about the scent policy that should be enforced - talk about the cologne that smells like dog poop (leave out the poop part though).

7) Enough drama- If you keep going at the person again (and again, and again and again...etc), they're going to say they don't care. Why? Because they really don't give a flying...monkey. They could care less about you, your dog, your wife, your family, your school work or your grammy. They lost interest in you after they assumed what was coming out of your mouth was yet another complaint about something that was already being resolved.

8) Man (Or woman) up - Cut out the work-place drama. Unless you want to be seen as a gossiping, immature, unprofessional dink, be seen - not heard. That means you go directly to the person and then, you deal with it face to face with them...not the rest of the office then the person who has already heard you're ticked and is angry that you were gossiping. They also now have a lawsuit for defamation of character being worked up and you're going to owe some money for the comment about their erectile issues.

9) Don't lie- Don't over-exaggerate, don't stretch the truth, don't make statements you can't back up. You may be called out on it and then what are you going to do - you're going to be seen as a liar... (*sarcastically) How very professional of you.

10) Don't back down if you're right - There is such a thing as being 'sort of' right - it means you may be right but there are nicer or easier ways of doing something. Your method works - but so does the other persons. Be willing to agree and compromise but that doesn't mean just back down either. It means come to a resolution you can BOTH agree with - that way, neither of you is actually 'wrong'.

distractions

I'm not sure what's up lately apart from being the usual state of stressed but unfortunately, I seem to be getting distracted more and more frequently. I have a midterm tomorrow and Thursday. Thankfully I got through my reading for Wednesday. I have a book to finish either tonight or after my exam tomorrow.

Not sure why movies make university look like so much fun - it's a lot of facebook and face time with books!

The Woman in Black needed Sam and Dean from Supernatural

I love a good ghost story - but 'The Woman in Black' was not what I expected. Yes, I jumped at times but I didn't connect enough with the characters to actually care whether they lived or died. In all honesty, I felt more for the ghosts than I did the living. I finished the movie wishing things had actually concluded - that there was a strong resolution instead of feeling as thought there would be a crappy sequel within a year.

Primarily though, I expected Harry Potter to pull a wand out of his trousers every time he turned around. In my mind, Radcliffe has been typecast as 'the boy who lived.' I know it's not fair and admittedly, he's a decent actor but I'm curious as to whether he was still on the bottle while filming this movie as well.

Oddly enough, I feel as though my review of the movie is rather negative compared to the popular consensus. While I enjoyed the Gothic feel, the anticipation of being scared and the accents, I just felt there should have been a little more...something.

It also didn't help that as a 'Supernatural' fan, I was screaming at Arthur (Radcliffe) to run to the kitchen to get salt and silverware to keep the ghosts away, start praying (Catholics have the right idea with exorcism rituals) and get the fireplace poker for iron - yet another way to keep evil spirits away.