Friday, February 3, 2012

date night

There is something to be said about going on an amazing date- Relish (restaurant) and Haywire (movie).

I went out with S. again tonight and I have to say, I kinda like him. It's definitely not in a 'we're going to be together forever' sort of thing but I truly enjoy his company.

Yesterday, when things were just crappy, he made me feel better just by being around and distracting me for a bit. It was really a great thing.

Anyways, I'm off to bed but I have a smile on my face and thought I'd post a happy moment.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

goose fraba

I've realized, after cooking supper with a great friend and with time, I can't stay angry because it hurts me too much. I'm not the type of person who holds grudges and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I care about my friends too much to stay angry. Yes, it may or may not have hurt my GPA but it'll hurt a lot more to just decide I don't want to be friends anymore. Am I perfectly okay - nope. But this situation will never happen again and I don't want to hurt my friends by staying angry.

As far as being told I would be ditched over age...I'm going to be perfectly realistic. It's probably not going to happen. At the end of the day, 25 beats 30 any day...and here's another thought, if that's what he really thinks, he should walk away now.

Funny thing about me - I'm admittedly not a nice person and I don't play games fairly. I cheat. It's this really interesting thing: Girls get mad when you introduce yourself as the girl who's been hooking up with their boyfriend and the only reason he chose her was because she was old. Hmmm...I like the sounds of that.

I'm chalking that comment up to quitting smoking and now onto the happy note: because I haven't all day, I'm enjoying cheesecake, club soda and working on homework. I'm also more caffeinated which has me MUCH less grumpy. Bring on the coffee :D

*sigh* men

It seems like every emotion in me is going a little haywire - just confused, not in control and I absolutely loathe not having control.

I did a test worth yesterday and a person who wasn't supposed to be there, was. This is an intentionally vague statement due to conflicts and concerns regarding both our professionalism.

I'm still absolutely furious and I can't get over it yet. I apologized for not giving him a chance to explain and jumping to being a 'bitch' but just because I handed it wrong, doesn't mean I'm okay with what happened. I'm hurt and angry and frankly, I felt violated and trapped. I can't 'not' be angry right now but ever fiber of my being says 'get over it' because that's what I always do. Someone hurts me and I let it go. Problem: you don't mess with my GPA. I have sacrificed feeling human at times for those 2 numbers, so I'm not 'getting over it' right away.

Second thing: I let my heart get more involved than I'm comfortable with and now I want to run.
I know what it's like to experience the worst heartbreak in the world; it's the heartbreak where life stops and the person that was your life, your world - isn't there anymore. It's the heartbreak where you lose yourself completely anyway you can - sleep, not eating, running, drinking, smoking, as long as it doesn't hurt anymore.

I'm definitely not there as far as that level of caring but the fact that I do care scares me. I have trained myself to associate caring with getting hurt and getting hurt is miserable. I go back to 'that' level of's never going to be that bad again but it's the only real heartbreak I've experienced.

I have this really good 'confident, brave, sarcastic, witty, bitch' thing going for me and while it's all 'me', I don't like the idea of being 'let go' just because my age is wrong. Yeah, that's a good feeling. I'm sorry, what the hell am I supposed to do about my age?

Funny thing is, I've done more in my 25 years than most people do in their lifetime. I'm okay with my age - unfortunately, apparently some people aren't.

I still believe I'll find someone to settle down with someday, someone who'll wake me up with coffee and send flowers to my office after I win a big case. I'm just worried that I'm going to wake up one morning and realize he's already passed me and I was too busy with my coat of the season.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What university has taught me

The non-conventional learnings through my university career have, in ways, far exceeded my actual studies. As I am grumpy, I am writing a top-10 list of these musings. Enjoy...and if you don't, don't post because I'll just delete your ass.

10) Alcohol may not fix everything but it definitely makes it better in the short term.
9) Smoking can be can any other bad habit.
8) It's not about who you kiss - it's about whether his pants came off.
7) Hooking up is acceptable because understandably you're not giving up men (or women) but you are postponing a relationship until you actually have time to function as a human being.
6) Coffee is a liquid, therefore it counts as water. Gin is also a liquid.
5) All-nighters are part of life. They're either preparing you for a baby or a location where the bars don't shut down at 2am.
4) Your high school teachers are wrong. All of it.
3) It is possible to get free trips...and it's amazing!
2) Big words are good...but swearing makes you feel better!

And my all-time lesson from university which was learned outside the classroom

1) Don't date anyone who you may need in the future. It gets awkward.

Heading to my doom

I feel like a sheep being led to slaughter, only I'm willingly heading out towards the area where the other sheep are going "don't go there Sammi"...Oh, stupid me.

This test is leaving a pit in my stomach. After it's done, I'm going back to studying history for awhile. Time to start my essay on Cromwell.

In good news, my tickets for NFLD came in today!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Shout it from the rooftop

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DONALDO! You're now the big 3-0. Next step...grave.

Just kidding. In your honour, here is a few photos that scream "D's B-day"

That feeling of cheap whiskey coming back up

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize 'this is not the person I want to be hanging out with'? I did that last night. I was bored, sleepy and downright grumpy over this Human Sexuality course I'm studying for - and called a friend over.

The worst part is, looking back on the situation, I feel like I did a lot of things wrong. I handled the situation wrong, I had him over because I was lonely and bored (selfish) not because I wanted his company, and generally, just didn't act like the self-confident, intelligent, in control young woman I know I am 98% of the time.

Nothing happened where I'm thinking "crap I did something wrong or whatever" but he knows me from two years ago and I'm not that girl anymore. I just don't feel like reliving the past I suppose.


Sunday, January 29, 2012

It is 'that' sort of day

I feel like it should be late afternoon/early evening and it's all of 1:30pm. Maybe dinner would help. Possible moment that I should go to the cafeteria and take a study break...or just find a topic to write about.


I went out with Curry again tonight. You know, he's not that bad when he realizes all he needs to do is chill. I think he actually respects the fact that I'm a hard-ass and don't put up with crap. He's nice enough, just...not my type. Funny thing is, I like hanging out with him, we have a similar taste in movies (Underworld 3D), can just chill together, have fun when we hang out - but we just don't click.

If Curry were a coat, he would be a lovely one from Smart Set or Suzy Sheer...but he'd be one I wore once in awhile and kept in the closet most of the time...