Friday, January 27, 2012

Sorry for not posting

I have not abandoned my blog lately, but I fell ill yet again! Tonsillitis has hit me like a car. Let me just say, ew. I woke up this morning looking like Jabba the Hut. After ice, tea, some pain killers and a doctors appointment which resulted in "oh ****, you've got a case of tonsillitis now don't you?" Yes, yes I do.

Thankfully, the antibiotics work well and I've been drinking a lot of herbal tea and trying to keep healthy food (okay, juice and apple sauce) in me as much as possible. I have lost an additional 15lbs from being sick in the past month. I want my butt back darn it but I'm down another 2 dress sizes....hmm...wonder if I could get a minor flu bug? (JOKING!)

Of course, my biggest fear wasn't "Oh crap, I'm sick" but "Oh crap, how the hell am I going to put together a newspaper, a presentation/training session and explain to a certain someone if he fell ill about how I am so so sorry!"

Thankfully, the paper came together better than ever, the presentation/training session is classic (can honestly say it's 100% better than last time) and certain someone (nickname: Penguin) didn't get sick.

Ahh, Penguin...what can I say about that? Apart from having met him in prayer meeting, being his cousin, making him feel old, me feeling like a youngster, realizing I know nothing about movies with subtitles (and truly don't care especially when drunk) but the music is officially a dozen times better, learning that I like Jon Stuart...and learning that men truly do look better in dress pants (and they unzip easier than jeans - not that I know if my mother is reading this I promise I didn't do anything but I have a pair of dress pants of my own and just wanted to say something funny...nevermind).

As far as other guy goes (the one I went out with a few days ago)...I'm calling him Curry...I'm good not seeing him anytime soon. Nothing personal but I really really don't like arrogance to the degree of "I'm so awesome and everyone else should just appreciate how awesome I am." I think it's too much 'awesome' for me.

I also realized with other, other guy- calling him Taco (What? I'm hungry and can't eat anything) - I've realized that I would really be upset if we weren't friends. I ditched him to hang out with Penguin and that was just mean. I really hurt him and would be so upset if that happened to me. I truly hope I can apologize enough and prove how great a friend he is. I still feel bad and just want to apologize over and over again. Yep, I screwed up and dropped the ball on that one.

At the end of my blog-rant, I've gone through my week of illness and men. I'm ready to call it a night and go study the night away. I'm such an interesting cookie.

To the person who doesn't understand sarcasm

"The class isn't stupid. For people who find human biology and the less talked about (or written about) history of human sexuality, this class is fascinating. Perhaps the name of the course is misleading, given that it tends to elicit thoughts that the course material is simply on reproduction, when in reality it is on the process of, the history of, the biological basis of, the diseases of, the challenges of, and the genetics of human sexuality."

Comment from some anonymous reader about Human sexuality.

Here's 5 quick thoughts:

1) I don't care what you think
2) My thoughts are more important in this area of the web so go read elsewhere
3) I deleted your comment. Why? Because this is the one area of my life where I can just press delete and you go away. I've tried it on people in real life...doesn't work. That was their belly button not the delete button.
4) It's called sarcasm/cynicism and exaggeration. Learn about it.
5) I truly believe you didn't actually read my post, just the title. Smarten up.


The author of this blog also known as All-Mighty Creator of 'One Two Many'


Monday, January 23, 2012

How men are like coats and other clothing

I have been shopping the past few days...getting new, more professional, less 'university-grunge' clothing and all the while, have been on the hunt for a winter coat. Incidentally, I found a beautiful wool coat with detachable scarf and wind-proof lining at RW& 60% off. I walked away.

Then I came back three days later and it was still there. 1 in my size. Cinched belt screaming "Sammy, Sammy I love you!" I cried back, "I love you too my darling" and bought it without a second thought.

But I've realized, my love of clothing and my passion for a good buy as well as a beautiful cut and classic look that transcends the horrible trends of lately, is something like how I feel about men.

If I walk away from a guy and don't give them a second thought, they didn't really matter to me. They were a trend, a flavour of the week, a passing thought that I shouldn't waste my efforts on. They are the 'Garage' or 'Sirens' of the dating world. They're good for a night or two...perhaps three but, like my red dress, they're probably cursed.

Sometimes, men are like underwear...they're a pain in the ass if they don't fit right or they're so cozy and comfy like a big old set of granny panties that there's no way your clothes are EVER coming off. And sometimes, they hug your tush just a sexy pair of boy-shorts.

Now, a good man is like my R&W coat, my Suzy Sheer blazer, my secretary pencil skirt from Smart Set, my Naughty Monkey heels. They're an investment piece. I put the time into picking it out, finding a good sale, making sure it'll fit my lifestyle but also am willing to take the time to take care of it. They make me happy for a long time, just by the feeling of comfort and how it compliments me without being overpowering. We coexist and flatter one another.

Oddly enough, if you have one of these investment pieces, the other clothes just don't seem as great anymore. They're rather shabby, a little dull, and not as comfortable...I'm always thinking of that coat.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Human Sexuality Class is a terrible idea

I should have realized Human Sexuality is not the course for me. It's not because I've been staring at vagina's and penises all day trying to figure out what's wrong with them. It's not because female circumcision gives me pain just thinking about it. It's not even because I'm officially terrified of walrus penis bones now.

When I took Marine Science, I thought it would be interesting because I like the ocean and have SCUBA dived before and pretty much understand the basics (Human sexuality= interesting, have done it before and pretty much understand the basics). I realized at the end of Marine Science, the mysteries of the ocean were solved, the sand was actually just bits of dead animal and crushed rock (ew), and seaweed is still gross...get where I'm going with this?

Human sexuality...when I kiss someone, I start thinking about what chemicals are working, how my uterus is tipping (yeah, that was a sexy thought), and how there are spongy tubes all through my body...oh golly gee.

Stupid class. New plan: convent.

The mornings when you wake up without your pants

"I don't want to hurt you" a drunken haze, I remember those words before falling asleep. It's slightly interesting how, to me, that statement is important.

I've realized, in my quests for perfection and learning to handle different relationships, that even in casual dating, I can end up hurt because I tend to care about people quickly.

I care about my friends who are sick or having their wisdom teeth out. I care about people I barely know who are struggling with different issues. I care about the people I date even casually and I also care about myself.

I don't want to wind up hurt just because someone is having fun or because I'm the 'new shiny toy' that they want to play with. I don't enjoy it because I don't want to be used. There, I said what many people are thinking- I'm terrified of falling for someone and being rejected. Okay, that was a very personal statement.

The problem is, I'd ask myself "What is wrong with me?" and wind up trying to be better, smarter, prettier, thinner, nicer...because I'm not good enough. I wouldn't stop to think 'he's an idiot and doesn't know what he's missing' or even better 'we just didn't mesh'...I'd think I was broken.

Oddly enough, since I made peace with the fact that my marriage ending was not all my fault, I've realized all these things about myself that have helped me this year. I'm not as scared anymore of losing myself in someone else because I actually genuinely like me. I'll admit, that's a pretty good feeling.

Anyways, since I woke up this morning late without my pants on and my breath smelling of smoke (stupid stupid decision) and stale, pink wine, I'm off to do homework and attempt to get ahead in my studies.