"How's your easter going"....That's the text I got from "1" this evening. 1 is the one guy I regret pushing away from me...and quite out of the blue I get this text. Let's just say, more words and memories went through my head in a minute than the entire day.
If I could apologize for my words and actions, it would be the most heartfelt apology this ice queen could muster. I'm sorry that I got scared. I realized that I could in fact feel things for a guy again and I wanted that...but that scared me. He broke down my 'ice queen' heart - the one that allowed me to hurt anyone, be careless with people's emotions, and walk away perfectly in control and unfeeling. That was terrifying and admittedly, I handled it horribly. I pulled away fast, I intentionally hurt him, I blamed him for my own fears, and didn't even realize I was doing it.
I'm sorry that I didn't realize it because I lost a pretty amazing friend...someone I could tell anything to and know it would stay hidden away. I could get his advice on anything from my fashion choice to school. And we had fun.
I sort of hope he still reads my blog because I miss him.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
-16.8lbs and once again eating real food.
I went for a run thinking I'd be okay a few days ago. I'm not entirely sure why...I hadn't eaten for 5 days and hardly drank any of the lemonaid I was supposed to drink on my quick weight loss diet. Anyways, I felt miserable and so, I ate something. Yep, I made soup.
Now, some would call this a failure - I read one blog post about how I was, in fact, a failure and shouldn't be proud of myself for quitting this "cleanse" (fad diet that I had no intentions of maintaining for any amount of time). My response was an eloquent "Screw you. Go eat something. You're being nasty from being HUNGRY!"
I lost about 8lbs on the diet (WOOT!) but more than that, I restarted myself on a very clean, healthy eating program. I'm back to vegetarian (except seafood right now as I'm on a salmon/calamari kick). I've only been eating for two days and have FINALLY weaned myself off the desire to snack while doing homework. So far, so good.
That being said, by day five I had recognized that this was something that could lead me back to that really dark place I was in a couple summers ago. Yes, I was thin...I was also quite sick. So please, if you feel you may have any sort of disordered eating, don't do this. This is the first time I recognized it and decided to eat something...even if I gained an ounce or two. I made a huge pot of calamari, roasted red pepper and tomato stew (yum), strawberries and celery and bought vegan protein powder (kind of gritty but great flavour).
And guess what? I've still lost weight! So far, since I went gluten free I've lost 16.8lbs. I'm still planning to lose a significant amount of weight before Guatemala. I've got another 28.2lbs until I hit my goal weight. Using the NOOM app, I'm on schedule for July 6th if I lose 2lbs/week.
Right now, I have a really cute (and clingy) dress to wear in exactly 7 days (and graduation on May 31st) so I'm working out a little harder and yes, eating a little less. I'm pounding back water - no pop, no juice. I'm drinking less than 3 cups of coffee daily (usually try to limit it to just one). I eat breakfast (protein shakes) every day and try to eat a snack before bed that is about 150 calories.
Weight loss isn't easy - Gaining weight is. Doing nothing about it is also really easy. Deciding to be healthy is a choice. It doesn't take fancy gadgets or expensive food - it means changing your mindset and deciding that being healthy is better.
For me, it's about getting down that final 28lbs and then learning to be happy at that weight. The first part I can do easily enough - I have a lot of willpower...the second part...well, more to come on that later.
Now, some would call this a failure - I read one blog post about how I was, in fact, a failure and shouldn't be proud of myself for quitting this "cleanse" (fad diet that I had no intentions of maintaining for any amount of time). My response was an eloquent "Screw you. Go eat something. You're being nasty from being HUNGRY!"
I lost about 8lbs on the diet (WOOT!) but more than that, I restarted myself on a very clean, healthy eating program. I'm back to vegetarian (except seafood right now as I'm on a salmon/calamari kick). I've only been eating for two days and have FINALLY weaned myself off the desire to snack while doing homework. So far, so good.
That being said, by day five I had recognized that this was something that could lead me back to that really dark place I was in a couple summers ago. Yes, I was thin...I was also quite sick. So please, if you feel you may have any sort of disordered eating, don't do this. This is the first time I recognized it and decided to eat something...even if I gained an ounce or two. I made a huge pot of calamari, roasted red pepper and tomato stew (yum), strawberries and celery and bought vegan protein powder (kind of gritty but great flavour).
And guess what? I've still lost weight! So far, since I went gluten free I've lost 16.8lbs. I'm still planning to lose a significant amount of weight before Guatemala. I've got another 28.2lbs until I hit my goal weight. Using the NOOM app, I'm on schedule for July 6th if I lose 2lbs/week.
Right now, I have a really cute (and clingy) dress to wear in exactly 7 days (and graduation on May 31st) so I'm working out a little harder and yes, eating a little less. I'm pounding back water - no pop, no juice. I'm drinking less than 3 cups of coffee daily (usually try to limit it to just one). I eat breakfast (protein shakes) every day and try to eat a snack before bed that is about 150 calories.
Weight loss isn't easy - Gaining weight is. Doing nothing about it is also really easy. Deciding to be healthy is a choice. It doesn't take fancy gadgets or expensive food - it means changing your mindset and deciding that being healthy is better.
For me, it's about getting down that final 28lbs and then learning to be happy at that weight. The first part I can do easily enough - I have a lot of willpower...the second part...well, more to come on that later.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Day 5 MasterCleanse
It's halfway over. Whoever says this mastercleanse cleanse is fun or enlightening is full of crap. Well, no they aren't full of crap because they've pooped it all out from the laxative tea one needs to drink.
I'm hungry. I'm grumpy. I'm an angry individual at the moment. I want pizza, hot dogs, steak, sausage, hamburgers, sandwiches...basically all the foods I don't (or can't) eat.
The good thing about all this is that I'm using this diet to lose weight. I'm vegetarian, I am gluten and dairy free, and I exercise 4-6 times a week so I don't really bother with cleanses. The problem is that I am feeling a little poofy lately because of the gluten weight gain. Try about 20lbs in a month. It sucked!
So yes, this isn't a healthy diet. If you think it is, go talk to a nutritionist. If you're desperate to lose some weight before an event, try the Mastercleanse.
Weight loss to date: 7.5lbs in 5 days.
I'm hungry. I'm grumpy. I'm an angry individual at the moment. I want pizza, hot dogs, steak, sausage, hamburgers, sandwiches...basically all the foods I don't (or can't) eat.
The good thing about all this is that I'm using this diet to lose weight. I'm vegetarian, I am gluten and dairy free, and I exercise 4-6 times a week so I don't really bother with cleanses. The problem is that I am feeling a little poofy lately because of the gluten weight gain. Try about 20lbs in a month. It sucked!
So yes, this isn't a healthy diet. If you think it is, go talk to a nutritionist. If you're desperate to lose some weight before an event, try the Mastercleanse.
Weight loss to date: 7.5lbs in 5 days.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Day 3 of Liquid Diet
I do not advocate crash diets but I also understand that we all have body insecurities. I might have a few more than some but after gaining a ton of weight (okay, 30lbs) mostly from allergies.
To put it into perspective, I gained about 25 lbs packed within 6 weeks which is almost impossible for what I was eating...I ate spinach salads for three days and STILL gained weight. It was so frustrating to lose my body while attempting to be healthy, eating right, exercising...so when I found out there was something wrong with me, it was a total relief.
Over the first few days of going gluten/dairy free, I gained weight because I was hungry all the time! It was crazy - I couldn't really eat enough...turns out that's what happens when your vitamins are low. I was void of a lot of nutrition - so my body was hungry. After I regulated my vitamins and minerals, I had lost about ten pounds.
Since I have to have photos taken on the 4th, I wanted to slim down a little bit..quickly. I could say I'm on a 'cleanse'. I could say this is a 'lifestyle' but it's really not - it's a crash diet. I want to feel better so 10 days of liquids...well it's worth it.
Currently, I'm getting between 600-1200 calories/daily and today is day four.
Day 1 -1lb
Day 2 -1.2lbs (down 2.2lbs)
Day 3 -2.2lbs (down 4.4lbs)
Realistically, I know I'll probably gain the weight back but I also plan to modify my eating habits and keep running (in a healthy manner).
So I'm on day 4/10. Here goes. Hello MasterCleanse, I have such a love/hate relationship with you.
To put it into perspective, I gained about 25 lbs packed within 6 weeks which is almost impossible for what I was eating...I ate spinach salads for three days and STILL gained weight. It was so frustrating to lose my body while attempting to be healthy, eating right, exercising...so when I found out there was something wrong with me, it was a total relief.
Over the first few days of going gluten/dairy free, I gained weight because I was hungry all the time! It was crazy - I couldn't really eat enough...turns out that's what happens when your vitamins are low. I was void of a lot of nutrition - so my body was hungry. After I regulated my vitamins and minerals, I had lost about ten pounds.
Since I have to have photos taken on the 4th, I wanted to slim down a little bit..quickly. I could say I'm on a 'cleanse'. I could say this is a 'lifestyle' but it's really not - it's a crash diet. I want to feel better so 10 days of liquids...well it's worth it.
Currently, I'm getting between 600-1200 calories/daily and today is day four.
Day 1 -1lb
Day 2 -1.2lbs (down 2.2lbs)
Day 3 -2.2lbs (down 4.4lbs)
Realistically, I know I'll probably gain the weight back but I also plan to modify my eating habits and keep running (in a healthy manner).
So I'm on day 4/10. Here goes. Hello MasterCleanse, I have such a love/hate relationship with you.
Monday, March 25, 2013
My letter to Playtex
To whom it may concern;
I would consider myself to be an educated, liberal female who enjoys the equality given to me by past feminists fighting for their human rights. To see my genitalia be referred to as a 'beaver' - that is, a large semi-aquatic rodent, is disrespectful and degrading.
To assume that the advertisers of such a disgusting campaign would assume that tacking on "for men as well" is actually making Fresh & Sexy unisex, is an insult to my intelligence. The ad was placed on my Facebook newsfeed. It's been found in numerous female magazines but not in male magazines. The 'for men too' is an afterthought to save your marketing team from being accused of considering the vulva is unclean, something men have been doing for centuries.
Furthermore, to hear an advertising slogan say "A clean pecker always taps it" or "A clean rod always reels 'em in" really plays into 'rape culture'. Provided a consumer uses this product, they will "always" be sexually gratified. After the Steubenville incident, I would think marketing companies would be far more careful of such implications to even be considered an accessory to accepting rape culture.
I do not find this advertisement amusing nor do I find it acceptable. Women have been told for centuries that their bodies are dirty because we have a self-cleaning vagina and we menstruate. Neither of these functions are filthy and to consider them as such is degrading and unnatural. To attempt to tell men that they are also dirty without this product is just adding to the problem. It doesn't equalize the genders: it only degrades both.
Until an apology is issued, I will be refusing to buy any Playtex product. I will also be active in ensuring my university and my friends do the same.
Sincerely,
Samantha Tinker
I would consider myself to be an educated, liberal female who enjoys the equality given to me by past feminists fighting for their human rights. To see my genitalia be referred to as a 'beaver' - that is, a large semi-aquatic rodent, is disrespectful and degrading.
To assume that the advertisers of such a disgusting campaign would assume that tacking on "for men as well" is actually making Fresh & Sexy unisex, is an insult to my intelligence. The ad was placed on my Facebook newsfeed. It's been found in numerous female magazines but not in male magazines. The 'for men too' is an afterthought to save your marketing team from being accused of considering the vulva is unclean, something men have been doing for centuries.
Furthermore, to hear an advertising slogan say "A clean pecker always taps it" or "A clean rod always reels 'em in" really plays into 'rape culture'. Provided a consumer uses this product, they will "always" be sexually gratified. After the Steubenville incident, I would think marketing companies would be far more careful of such implications to even be considered an accessory to accepting rape culture.
I do not find this advertisement amusing nor do I find it acceptable. Women have been told for centuries that their bodies are dirty because we have a self-cleaning vagina and we menstruate. Neither of these functions are filthy and to consider them as such is degrading and unnatural. To attempt to tell men that they are also dirty without this product is just adding to the problem. It doesn't equalize the genders: it only degrades both.
Until an apology is issued, I will be refusing to buy any Playtex product. I will also be active in ensuring my university and my friends do the same.
Sincerely,
Samantha Tinker
Be Dirty Minded, Do the Dirty...but Don't Think You're Dirty
Women have been told for centuries that they are dirty because they have bodily fluid or maybe because they bleed once a month (which I'll admit does still creep me out...but that's not the point!). Womens bodies are not dirty and neither are mens. If we stink, we need a shower not a wipe.
So...how is this for sexy? Use wipe. Wake up in the morning with a lovely yeast infection - I'm positive you are going to feel terribly sexy with the burning, the itching, the cottage-cheesy chunks. Enjoy that mental image...I gagged writing it.
I looked up some of the ingredients in this Fresh and Sexy wipe
Disodium EDTA - an ingredient commonly used to remove limescale...ouch?
Propylene Glycol- "Propylene glycol is a component in newer automotive antifreezes and de-icers used at airports...glycols are good for this purpose [freezing temperature is lowered] as they are cheap, non-corrosive and have very low volatility."
I had to look up almost every single ingredient on the list because it's ALL chemicals. What happened to plain old soap and water? I'm a little creeped out with the idea of putting something like that anywhere NEAR my vajayjay!
And what about our carbon footprint? Even if these wipes are biodegradable - we have just bought into an unnecessary product that has a paper/plastic box, shipping (oil), manufacturing at the factory...and then the product gets used, dumped in a landfill or septic system where it can't biodegrade because it's under plastic bags.
Women, listen up. You're not dirty. Men, you aren't either. Have a dirty mind, do the dirty, even play dirty...but don't buy into this stupid advertisement that you ARE dirty.
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