Friday, December 9, 2011

Exams make the vegetarian crave bacon

The normal student will sacrifice almost anything to get a better grade on their exams. They will stay up late, fuse their ass to the chair, develop carpal tunnel and start twitching because of the large amounts of caffeinated beverages they ingested.

They may develop a slight drug habit that goes like this: Morning- take caffeine pill with coffee, mid-afternoon- take Tylenol because of caffeine headache. Dinner- another caffeine pill combined with Tylenol as not to have headache. Supper- consider finding friend who has Ritalin, think against it in the haze of sleeplessness and consider whiskey...think against that too and drink a cuppa coffee. Bedtime snack- tranquilizer. The same student will lose muscle (except in their derriere where they will grow muscles that were previously nonexistent).

The typical shower routine no longer exists either. The student will attempt to shave their legs while eating a bagel in the shower, using their toe to swirl around laundry. Do you know why manufacturers put "Warning: Do not use in the shower" on blow-dryers and toasters? It's because of university students! It gets even better when women attempt to shave. Unibrows become a fashion trend, women will compete for the longest leg hair as a badge of honour. Yes, at exam time we are all different people...

Finally, there are those of us (like myself) who has almost given up before exams. I know I'll do okay...maybe even better than okay...but my brain is saying "I want bacon." Bacon, as LG says, is the 'gateway meat.'

Time to study...over & out!

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