The realization that I'm not the EIC today

I am home. On Grand Manan. Far away from Residence. I'm not being asked about the paper, an article, or anything regarding 'The Baron.' This might not seem like much but to me, it means I can drop my responsibilities for a bit and just relax. I don't need to be constantly concerned with being "Samantha Tinker- Editor in Chief"...today, I'm just Sam.

It dawned on me as I threw on a pair of sweatpants, a tank top and sports bra as I decided to have a very chill day. I grabbed a shower, threw my hair up in a ponytail and didn't even bother with makeup. I'll be honest though...this feeling of just being able to relax is good for about a week but after that, it becomes a bit boring. I like being able to dress up and go out. I like having a reason to throw on some dress pants or a cute top. I love my heels, my short skirts, my little red dress...oh, I love that little red dress.

Here, it's usually easier to wear sweats and a sweater because there are two huge dogs who love to shed on me, a cat who looks more like a poof ball, chickens to feed and goodness knows what else.

Here's to just being Sam today...it's a good feeling.

Stumbling back into bed

With coffee in hand and a bagel now in my stomach, I'm seriously questioning why I don't sleep well. I thought I slept quite well for a university student - a whole 4-6 hours each night and usually about 8 hours.

That being said, when I go to bed before midnight, I'm easily up at 6:30am (not willingly)...then I get bored. I could attempt to go back to bed or I could wake up other people because I'm lonely, bored or just feel that if I'm up, other people should be as well!

Unfortunately, this doesn't really work when other people don't want to be awake. Oh well, I'm an adorable sight in the morning...Who doesn't appreciate the terribly frizzy hair, the morning breath, the creaking of my knees? Yep, I'm just that secure with myself that I can say "I am a terribly homely morning person."

Anyways, I'm off to study for another test tomorrow. My final exam of the semester then, get ready for a meeting with the Board of Directors and prepare my presentation for the grade 10 GMCS class on the 19th.

The ultimate question in life: Should I order pizza now or later?

That exam I just did? Totally kicked it's butt...It may have officially bent over the desk and exposed it's rear-end only to be slammed by a piece of plywood held by me. That's right...I'm awesome...I hope.

Typically, I walk into my exams the most over-confident individual you'll ever see. By the time the exam is over, I'm usually great. Once I get back to my office, sit down for a moment and hang up the phone with my mom...I get a little voice saying "Perhaps you didn't do so well." Now, I know that voice is a) not a result of my being slightly off the deep end, and b) not real; however, I'm still slightly shaken that perhaps, this will be the one time that I don't do as well as I thought...Can I have my grade back please???

Now, time to study for my sociology exam at 7pm, and after, I will celebrate by taking out trash (my roommate and I tend to be slightly messy at times but in our defence, we're both incredibly busy), ordering pizza, dancing around like a complete idiot to Glee and perhaps some TFK or something equally as awesome...that's right peeps...I'm staying sober. Holy crap.

I think I'll clean my room, get a long, lovely shower...do some laundry so I don't completely smell terrible? Oh, this is actually surprisingly exciting! I may even clean other things...like the bathroom, perhaps do dishes...well, lets not get carried away.

This is truly the university experience. When you finish that first round of exams and get so excited about just being totally clean again...just feeling as though you're not a total grease bucket who's mother would disown you after crying over the attack of the killer laundry pile...that's the nitty-gritty university experience. Enjoy it because someday, there will be someone else saying "sweetie...please clean up your socks" and you'll have to insert earplugs to drown them out.

Now, to study for a sociology exam in 1 3/4 hours. Wish me luck...or at least, text me the correct answers!

Sheep being led to slaughter

It's 15 minutes until my first exam of the season. Ho ho ho...here's your zero? I'm fully confident that I will pass - even more confident that I will getat least a B+ if not an A-...yep, I'm that girl...the one who studies throughout the term, works hard, plays harder, and gets decent marks. I'm also stressed most of the time, working on developing an ulcer from stress and have some terrible coping mechanisms for dealing with said stress (which, I do believe, would add to an ulcer).

Anyways, with 10 minutes to go I am prepped. My 'Exam Prep Kit' is as followed: 1 bottle of diet pepsi (minimum 591 mL), 1 bag of M&M's (prefer skittles but cafeteria is out), 1 bag of gummy candy (would replace with chocolate if caf had skittles), 2 pens (one black, 1 blue), 1

sharpie (for additional notes), 1 sharpie highlighter (for key points to address in paragraphs), 1 pack of gum (gives an additional 20 minutes of stress relief plus less chance of chocolate breath), ID card (required), 1 mint lip gloss (because it's yummy).

Bring it on Prof. F...but please be kind...

It's just a writer thing

On the 19th at 8:30am, a time I rarely bother to wake for, I'll be heading back into the halls of hell known as high school. As EIC of The B, and a writer in University, I offered to drop by and explain what my job is, how it works for me and how doing it opens doors...and here's what I can't tell the eager young minds I'll attempt to mold.

-Drinking is a coping mechanism. Angry? Hungry? Exhausted? Bored? Writers block? Have a shot or two and call it a night. Yes, people say drinking shouldn't be a coping mechanism but really, my favorite thoughts come from a whiskey-soaked brain at times.

-People do things in your office that would make a CSI team giggle with excitement. Enjoy those thoughts and break out the Lysol.

-You will never get paid enough when your writing is harshly criticized.

-You'll never be the best. Strive for better than most.

-You may attempt to inject coffee into your veins. Also, your IV bag when you do this will have some sort of stimulant.

-You'll consider doing drugs...you may or may not reconsider.

-You won't have time for a healthy relationship.

-Smoking is not really optional...you want to believe it is but at 3am on a production weekend, sobbing over an essay that just isn't getting done...do whatever.

-You'll never trust anyone fully and you'll be able to spot even a tiny lie from a distance.

But the one thing I can tell them: If you love it, none of this crap matters.

My 'firsts' in 2011

The year is almost over, isn't it? With a presentation that I have yet to start drawing even closer (it's currently 11:44am & the presentation of 'Felicia's Journey' is to be done at 1:15pm), I decided to start my traditional 'List of First's for the Year.' 2011 is drawing to an end and I certainly had some amazing firsts...here goes:

1) I took four evenings off from studying/homework and went off campus during the school year.
2) I wrote a ten page essay in one week.
3) I screwed up in 'The Baron' and stated 'I don't really care...I'm proud of it anyway.'
4) I didn't have a panic attack all year
5) I've spent an entire year single (technically more towards the end of December).
6) I went 6 months without dating/hooking-up/etc.
7) I biked from Saint John to Grand Manan (about 6 hours).
8) I tried being vegan (and love it but don't have time/patience during school).
9) I kissed someone shorter than me.
10) I lost 100lbs!!!
11) I was willing to risk a friendship for my job.
12) I was willing to risk my grades for a friend.
13) I realized how much I love, value and respect my sister.
14) I found the perfect Christmas present for Dad.
15) I realized who I want to be...and started working towards it.
16) I have gone an entire year without medication.
17) I was able to tell my ex-husband not to talk to me but still be polite and civil.
18) I was able to say "I'm not interested but thanks"
19) I stopped to talk to someone who was asking for change. I didn't have change but did grab them a coffee.
20) I realized that, sadly, my dad has corrupted me and turned me into a fan of Star Trek.
21) I watched 'Toddlers and Tiaras' and I like it! Legal child abuse...creepy yet satisfying
22) It's much more satisfying to smile and get even than it is to get angry immediately.
23) I was on CBC news
24) I was in the Telegraph Journal, on the news, and two radio stations in one day
25) I protested
26) I went to Ottawa
27) and Sackville
28) That protest? My roommate and I organized it.
29) I also did a petition
30) I stopped shaking every time I was confronted with something bad.
31) I learned to be confident in myself
32) I learned to make a Whiskey Sour
33) I found a hair colour that works!!!
34) I became an aunt.

And finally...I realized that I can make a difference.