Friday, December 16, 2011

Quit drooling and begin to be afraid

For the record, I do own this bra...and it has about an inch of padding on it. I was asked, what exactly is the purpose of said bra. Why would I wear something that creates a false illusion. Well, let's talk about my boobs...and let's see how many words I can find for breasts as well!

Simply put, I like how the double push up fills out my shirts better and realistically, it's not like Spanx. If I were to go home with a guy (which I don't because incidentally, I'm 99.9% sure my mother reads my blog), I would not have to peel off something that looks as though it belongs in my grandmother throw-away bin.

Also, if a guy decides to point out my smaller ta-ta's when I'm naked, I'll laugh at his penis size and walk away.

Here's the other thing I have realized. Some men are too busy staring at my chest to realize I am actually an intelligent individual who will, without their realizing, feed them their own testicles on a silver platter given half a chance. I consider these people to be even more ridiculous because they are drooling over two foam bowls attached to my bust to realize they are telling me everything I want to know and more.

A warning to all you men who consider ogling a professional past time - women are onto it. We embrace it. We use it to our advantage and you will get screwed over. Welcome to the 21st century. You have been outwitted by two fatty funsacks.

For 295 other euphemisms for breasts, click here: Chimichongas (yet another nickname)

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