I believe I was an acceptable wife...maybe not 'great' and possibly, at times, a complete screw-up but for the most part, I could handle being a wife. I liked knowing where I stood, having someone to wake up with, feeling like I had that partner...Currently, I'd really like the damn divorce!
However, that's not the point. My problem is I don't understand dating or relationships at all. I don't understand how it goes from dating to relationship, the time-frame, what to do, what constitutes as dating versus hooking up...it doesn't make sense in my mind. I'm trying to understand it but it's not really that much fun.
When you're dating someone, can you date other people? Should you date other people? Do you discuss dating other people? What happen if one person is dating and the other isn't? *Insert awkward silence here! What happens if you want or don't want to date other people and the other person disagrees? When does monogamy start? Is it a talked about thing or is it just done?
What if the other person is sleeping with other people? How do you bring that up? I mean, do you even have the right to ask? Would I want to be asked? (Answer: no)
If I say no, am I committing to soon? But if I say yeah, go ahead, am I slutty or going to get hurt? (Answer: hurt more than slutty) It seems like a lose-lose situation for chicks!
What about the 'What do you want from this _____?" Can you even call it a relationship if it's dating? Do you want a relationship? Do I want a relationship? Can I handle a relationship? (Answer: Finally a yes). What do you do when what you want changes? Do you just have that awful conversation again or is it just it?
I thought I'd never want to be the girl who settles down again but I miss the weird things...I miss cooking for someone else, or being there when something good or bad happens...I miss the support system that grows with time...but dating is a totally strange phenomenon.
Oddly enough, I'm quite secure in what I'm doing...I just don't like figuring out labels and how to explain things.
I think it's time to work on my essays for History...at least I can still ace schoolwork, even if I am terrible when it comes to my social life!