Gift wrap is designed to drive good people to the bottle

Gift wrapping is always an adventure when I get to work. I haul out the safety scissors, duct tape, glue, bandaids, whiskey and occasionally, bubble wrap. It doesn't matter if the present is in a box, bag, or is perfectly square, I cannot get it to look good. My steps for gift wrapping are as followed. Please learn from my mistakes:

Step one- Find wrapping paper/tape/glue/post-it notes and anything else that might work to hide said present.

Step two- lay present in the middle of wrapping paper

Step three- Drink wine in an attempt to be more sophisticated as I wrap presents

Step four- Tape paper to box or directly to the present at any angle possible. Give up hiding present in paper.

Step five- Find duct tape

Step six- Grab dog, attach duct tape roll to their tail. Hold end of tape. Throw treat. Section off long pieces of duct tape this way until present is completely covered.

Step seven- Remove duct tape from dog

Step eight- Remove teeth from arm

Step nine- Give up on wine, go for the cup of Fireball...add a shot of eggnog for some festive cheer

Step ten- Promise yourself (like you do every year) that you will invest in a professional to wrap said presents.

Step eleven- Go see the nurses at the hospital with your pre-baked cookies for them to get your yearly shots against animal disease and stitches for the bites.

Tomorrow's Blog: Why baking holiday cookies is deadly.