Thursday, February 23, 2012

I need to be a politician

In all sincere honestly, I think I need to run for politics (Just not stupid - I mean - student politics because the elections are far too easy to cheat in).

Here are my top 10 reasons why:

1) I believe that everyone deserves to be heard...even if they are dumb - People elected me, therefore, they deserve to be heard. If they're not, I'm not doing my job correctly. I would suggest a certain Tim Horton's and we could sit down and chat.

2) I won't lie in elections- How many scandals do you hear of during the election campaign? That won't happen with me because I'll own it - "Yes, I did have sex with that woman and it was great!" "Of course I smoked pot in university...and I decided it hurt my lungs too much so I developed a new form of cookie." "Yes I got drunk. I didn't drive and I didn't have to work the next day. Honestly, you'll probably like me more after a few gin and club soda's."

3) I don't need to badmouth people- Look, if I wanted to sling shit, I'd work on a farm and manure the fields. They can badmouth and I'll probably say most of it's true...

4) I'm not afraid of being disliked- I don't feel the need to be liked or even respected...respect is earned and being liked...well, that happens sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. I'm a believer in sticking up for people, especially people with less of a voice that tend to be oppressed therefore, I'm used to not being liked.

5) I refuse to show off my tits- Hint hint...anyone who knows the story behind THIS is probably still attempting to withhold motorboating because they are rightthere-inyourface-can'tmissthem-holycrap-please get dressed properly and seriously, your mother let you out like that?...I can see your friggin'...nevermind.

6) I hate politics- I say it like it is, don't want to get caught up in drama and don't mind being blunt. Don't twist your knickers and lose a testicle - seriously, I'll own them by the time we're done talking anyways.

7) I have been married, divorced, educated and in blue collar work- I didn't feel the need to jump into university so I've been a waitress. Here's a thought: you can tell a person's character by how he treats his waitress - if he's a jerk to her, he should be taken out back and thrown in the dumpster. They don't get paid enough for manure.

8) I like the media- I really do like the spotlight and have no problems saying "yep, I messed up and here's how I'm planning to fix it." I would rather say "I am amazing and the temple in my honour should go a little more to the left..." but unfortunately, the opportunity to build the Shrine of Sammy has not yet happened at UNBSJ...yet!

9) I won't get caught in a sex scandal - Mostly because I'll just say "yep, did him, her...not sure about that one...I was drunk"...okay, just kidding. I won't get caught in a sex scandal because I'm not a scandalous person (anymore). I'm not pulling a Tiger or a Clinton because I don't like cheating on one's wife or husband (Ladies, your men are, your ladies are also safe...)

10) Because I want to prove Harper is not human and is, in fact, a Harper-bot- My intentions would be to walk up, kick him in the balls and when he doesn't writhe in pain like a normal man, take that as proof in front of the camera that yes, he is indeed, a non-human android attempting to take over politics for the Toyota company...

Vote Sam!


  1. I like number 7. You can tell alot about a person by how they treat their waitress. :) Linda B

  2. ditto on 7....
    you can add how they treat insurance agents to that also...
    the last sentence stands TALL... R ;)