Tuesday, May 1, 2012

10 Tips for Pooping in Public

I have recently moved from the Mac residence building of UNBSJ to the Dunn Residence (about a 5 minute walk) and have gone from having my own bathroom to sharing two toilets and one shower with the other girls on this floor (I think there are two but I could be entirely wrong).  Now, for those of you who are thinking "I could never share a bathroom" I say  - get over it.  It's not that bad and most of the time, it's not even gross. 

That being said - there are some tips and tricks to keeping your bodily functions from being the talk of the town and keep everyone happy (that being said, if there's someone not following these rules - send them my way...I always love getting 'hits').  So if your bum is sharing a throne - listen up folks!

Top 10 Tips for Communal Potty Usage

1) Flush- Ignore the saying "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."  Do you know what urine smells like after two days in a warm bathroom? I do. It's not pleasant.  No one wants to flush your pee or worse, have it splash on them when they are peeing.  Graphic images people, graphic images.

2) Don't wait until you're dancing- We've all waited until we 'reallyneedtogorightnow' but what if you're doing the potty dance...and the stalls are full (also, don't wait until the last minute to grab a shower either because someone could be in there).  It's unpleasant and can cause bladder infections - painful.

3) Sanitation- Wash your friggin' hands and wash them well!  This absolutely grosses me out and I am one of those people that will wrap the door handle in paper towel if you leave without washing.  Also, it's really obvious to figure out who it is because you can hear water running, rinse, leave if they wash.

4) Just do it- Say it with me "Everybody poops"...I cannot believe I am writing this.  Okay folks, if you're using a communal bathroom, it's expected - and while it's not pleasant you can either find a single person bathroom (there is usually one in the building) or you can wait until no one is around - or you can bring in your own air freshener...but just do it. (I feel like I should ask KP for advice on this - she lived in the Dunn last year on the 3rd floor). That being said grunts, groans, and other weird noises should be kept to a minimum.

5) Some things need to be done in your room- Okay folks, if you need to wash your delicates, clip your toenails, any sexual encounters, waxing areas of your body you don't generally show off (umm...waxing in general - it makes me cringe) and your bulimia problem should all be kept in your room.  For the record on the last thing, bulimia is a serious illness which should never be taken lightly but you don't necessarily need your entire floor to know your business either - especially if already getting help.  If you're flu-sick, throw up wherever, if you're making yourself sick, call a doctor or talk to someone and get help.  It is a hard situation though when you're a floormate trying to figure out if someone just has stomach issues or if they're making themselves sick - insert awkward conversation. 

6) What you hear is forgotten - So you walked in and 2 people are on the throne having a conversation about something private - herpes outbreak, sex with a first cousin, I dunno, something you weren't supposed to hear.  Walk out of washroom and pretend you heard nothing.  That is NONE of your business. This also goes for weird bathroom noises. The pooper has the responsibility to keep grunting to a minimum...the poopee (nope, that doesn't work) other person should not acknowledge it. 

7) It's not romantic when - Public washrooms are not the place to hook up.  Do you understand me? Do not do it.  Ever.  If you THINK you can get caught, don't do it...and hint, it's a public bathroom - you can ALWAYS get caught.  Showering is a grey area.  If I don't know about it, I don't care - but I would suggest don't. 

8) Respect thy Cleaning Lady- Our cleaning lady is Irene.  She is a lovely woman with a son and a husband, speaks great french, likes coffee and has the best personality ever!  Respect her.  This means: don't leave trash in the halls, don't party and expect 'someone else' will clean it up, help her by opening the door for her, get her thank you flowers/chocolates/etc.  Oh, and don't put your garbage in the communal trash bins.  Take it to the dumpster.  If you're really THAT lazy that you would expect an older lady to clean up your personal trash, you're an ass.  Now, for the bathrooms - clean up your stuff. It's simple...wash shaving cream off shower before it dries, don't leave all your crap in the bathroom - stuff like that.

9) Respect thy neighbours- This includes but is not limited to: voice down in the halls, share the communal areas, be polite, do not wake thy grumpy neighbour up at 2am after staggering home from the bar.  One of my most memorable res moments was first year, some guy kept playing his music/talking on Skype at about 4am.  I offered to launch his butt into the dumpster while in a t-shirt, underwear and crazy bed-head hair.  It was not a 'nice Sammy' moment but "soft kitty" wasn't invented back then and I was sleepy.  It can be something as simple as offering to help them with groceries...be nice...and DO NOT TAKE 3 HOUR SHOWERS!  See, communal pooping rules have outside rules too!

10) Safety- Do NOT let them in though unless you know who they are. "Tailgating" - letting a stranger follow you in - means there's someone you don't know and realistically, who's to say they don't haul out a knife, take you back to your room, and murder you?  Okay, that's extreme - but it's possible. Over 60% of campus rapes happen in the person's personal dorm room. Generally, alcohol is involved but be safe.  You wouldn't let a stranger into your house - don't let them into your res. This has nothing to do with communal bathroom rules but I couldn't think of a 10th and it's almost 2am.

Time for bed folks!  Gnight and enjoy your shared potty! 

1 comment:

  1. #7. You know this from experience, don't you. ;)