Friday, April 20, 2012

The TinkerTimes Mascot

This terribly blurry photo is my mascot and pet, Ludwig von Turdle Tinker. Here are my pet owners guide to owning a turtle (or any pet) for that instance:

1) Find out how long they live - add ten years for the freak pet that refuses to die and be prepared to take care of it that long.

2) Don't let Eyoha pet-sit - he killed my fish by overfeeding it.

3) Don't cuddle what shouldn't be cuddled. Don't ignore what shouldn't be ignored. Snakes = no cuddles. Puppies = cuddle.

4) Be prepared to pay for it. They eat before you do.

5) No pet is free. Free kitten - no. You still need to fix it, vet bills, food, etc etc etc. Turtles - when they get older.

6) Don't put it in a purse. Goldfish die, reptiles run away, and you just look stupid with a dog hanging out of your purse.

7) Don't name it something you can't say in front of your mother.

8) Know how to use the equipment - Read instructions for filters, automatic dog waterers, electric fences...all that.

9) Don't abandon it - You're a stupid person who deserves to be abandoned. There is a difference between having to give it up because you're genuinely sick (as in both your legs fell off or you have cancer or something equally as terrible) versus "I don't like it anymore"...

10) Don't eat your pet - Pets are for loving. Chicken is for digesting. Chickens that are pets are for loving...nevermind. If you've named it, don't eat it unless it's name is Dinner, Christmas, Porkchop, Bacon etc.


  1. Turtle Soup...... :P

  2. What if my pet is a chicken?

  3. If you name the chicken anything other than a food name, it is not food. It's a pet. Unless you're sadistic - in which case, it okay. And is this Eyoha or mom?