Saturday, March 30, 2013

Four Words from a Past Memory

"How's your easter going"....That's the text I got from "1" this evening.  1 is the one guy I regret pushing away from me...and quite out of the blue I get this text.  Let's just say, more words and memories went through my head in a minute than the entire day.

If I could apologize for my words and actions, it would be the most heartfelt apology this ice queen could muster.  I'm sorry that I got scared.  I realized that I could in fact feel things for a guy again and I wanted that...but that scared me.  He broke down my 'ice queen' heart - the one that allowed me to hurt anyone, be careless with people's emotions, and walk away perfectly in control and unfeeling.  That was terrifying and admittedly, I handled it horribly.  I pulled away fast, I intentionally hurt him, I blamed him for my own fears, and didn't even realize I was doing it.

I'm sorry that I didn't realize it because I lost a pretty amazing friend...someone I could tell anything to and know it would stay hidden away.  I could get his advice on anything from my fashion choice to school.  And we had fun.

I sort of hope he still reads my blog because I miss him. 

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