Sunday, February 26, 2012

Stupid girl

My boyfriend get's upset when I say I still hear those words - stupid girl. For the longest time, I did everything in order to get my ex-husband back. The more I succeeded, the more I was getting him back because I was proving I wasn't stupid.

This year, albeit it slowly, I am doing more and more for myself. It's not about him, it's not about anyone else but I like being able to do things for others, to help other people and to feel good. I'm able to take pride in myself but more than that, I'm able to say I'm passionate about things again.

I'm still terrified of failing at times but I'm starting to realize that people fail. If I want law school badly enough, I'll get it - even if it means going into the states or someplace else in the world to do it. I'll get there. I'm scared to fail but I'm even more scared that I'll constantly be afraid of failure.

Now, if only I can get past my fear of relationships. Yes, I'm dating a great guy at the moment and my heart is on the other side of the world...I do like him - I love his company...I was miserable when I broke up with him but I really don't know what's up lately...I feel as though my guard is constantly up because I'm going to end up hurt - even though he's admitted I'm a little different...I'm pretty sure that's a good 'different' though.

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