Monday, March 18, 2013

Who Needs Enemies?

To say I haven't been thinking straight is an understatement - I haven't been thinking at all lately.  Last night was just a low point and so I called a friend - I just wanted someone there to talk to and keep me from crying.  

Unfortunately, this friend was my ex-boyfriend and he was unavailable so I said I had a backup - not thinking anything of it (again, not thinking at all).  We've been apart for about two months now(ish) and I figured he had moved on...apparently not.

 He got upset and I tried to explain that I was just tired and scared and needed someone there (and apologized for forgetting that it's all about him). 

I get the third degree about why I waited to text (it was 11pm - not late by university standards and I was running).  Then I got a text saying: "Maybe we just shouldn't be friends"...that was a cheap shot to say the least.After I got over the initial "You're a jerk" feeling, I got angry. 

Part of this was lack of sleep, part of it is stress, part of it is justifiedMy response was "wow...That's just so unbelievably hurtful and selfish and cruel". He was sorry that I was curling up with someone else (Which btw, I use curling up for guys and girls...and treat them approximately the same way).

Anyways, I MAY have overreacted here and called him a selfish little boy...and then said "No wonder you are alone - no job, weight loss, or anything [you do] will ever combat that petty pathetic, immature, attitude and btw, he [friend] came over for a movie and left.  Worst thing he did was give me a hug when I cried"...and said "I wish I had never dated you."   Yep, I went for the kill shot.  
Looking back on it, I went too far.  I became cruel and angry, two characteristics that I try to keep to a minimum.  I was upset with him and I lashed out instead of holding back and waiting for him to settle down.  Was I justified in being angry? Definitely.  I didn't need the third degree nor did I need his stupid "feel bad for me" attitude.

If he didn't want to be friends, a phone call could help.  Or perhaps, I dunno - not saying it until AFTER he knew my grandfather was betterHonestly, with friends like that who needs enemies

So now what? I said I'd call when I was free and we'd sort this out.  At very least, I want him to know I am not impressed and he doesn't get to pull melodramatic crap when he's upset.  Sometimes he needs to think about other people and not be a jerk.  And sometimes, he needs to just call instead of text.  

Honestly, he's 28 years old.  It's time to stop making people feel bad because he's upset.  So as I sit here thinking "This was a stupid argument but it happens all the time", I'll talk to him rationally tonight and probably tell him he's right because I don't need this sort of drama in my life.   


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