I heard that voice again tonight - it was the same one I heard constantly two years ago. It was just a whisper in the back of my head that told me if I just stop eating, Bamp will get better...figure that one out. I know logically this is a lie - it is physically impossible.
I know it's my mind's way of coping with stress - it's easier to focus on being hungry, on losing weight, on obsessing with every calorie than it is to be afraid or cry every time I'm alone.
I know I can't listen to that voice. I can't give in for a second or else I'm going to be sick again. My body will be sore, I'll be full of bruises and I'll have my fingers down my throat once again. I don't need to go back to that place again - it was hard enough to crawl out of the first two times around. So I'm going to go get a shower...then I'm going to drink some juice and eat a spoonful of peanut butter.
Welcome to the world of anxiety...it manifests itself in so many ways but none of them are healthy.