Monday, March 18, 2013

That Stupid Voice

I heard that voice again tonight - it was the same one I heard constantly two years ago.  It was just a whisper in the back of my head that told me if I just stop eating, Bamp will get better...figure that one out.  I know logically this is a lie - it is physically impossible. 

I know it's my mind's way of coping with stress - it's easier to focus on being hungry, on losing weight, on obsessing with every calorie than it is to be afraid or cry every time I'm alone.  

I know I can't listen to that voice.  I can't give in for a second or else I'm going to be sick again.  My body will be sore, I'll be full of bruises and I'll have my fingers down my throat once again.  I don't need to go back to that place again - it was hard enough to crawl out of the first two times around.  So I'm going to go get a shower...then I'm going to drink some juice and eat a spoonful of peanut butter.

Welcome to the world of manifests itself in so many ways but none of them are healthy.  


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