Panic and Puking

As my blog title says, I've had a wicked time lately with food.  Today I ate a scary amount of food for me:

Breakfast - watermelon - 125 calories
eggs - 60 calories
sourkrout - 10 calories

Total - 195

Dinner

1 Banana 120 calories
1 Pear 103 calories
1 Luna bar 230

Total 453 + 195 =  648

Supper

(total binge = scary)

eggs = 90
Tomato = 35
Cuke = 10
Bread = 320
Chocolate = 240
Butter/Coconut Oil = 450 ( - no idea)
Potato x3 =  369
Salsa = 25


Seriously, WHAT was I thinking? I just ate and ate and ate...Total calories today 2817.

When I actually realized what I was doing, I ran downstairs and just started throwing up - great - because that makes the day SO much better. 

Okay...I slightly lost my cool for a bit - I was/am a mess in part because I broke so far away from my diet for foods that I don't even WANT and I panicked so I threw it up.  Okay, new plan...stop screwing up.  Or better yet, start addressing the fact that I'm terrified about being a graduate and feeling out of control and scared and this makes me feel like I'm in control...

Exercise + daily loss.

-1200 calories (daily loss)
-515 calories (walk/run late at night out of panic)
-300 calories (work/walking)

Total burned - 2015

Total for the day +802.

F.M.L.

I'm starting the mastercleanse again tomorrow...I really can't handle freaking out this badly at the moment...I hate hate hate making myself throw up...it's gross and yucky...and just...blah. 

Anyways, tomorrow (or technically today) is a new day...start healthy, positive and start over.