Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Pants aren't on the ground because they're stuck to your junk

Have you ever felt the desire to stare at someones crotch? I don't mean like a leering perv...seriously, I don't. I have a friend. His name is Anonymous. He likes his pants tight.

We're talking oil up his legs, jump from second floor into pants that have been clipped into a ring for his tooshie to fit in. I'm sure he has an extremely deep baritone voice but speaks normally because his testes are in the back of his throat.

Any tighter and one of two things are going to happen:

Option 1- He loses circulation in his junk and it falls off.

Option 2- He loses circulation in his legs and his entire lower body is destroyed.

Neither of these are optimistic outcomes.

He also does the 'whiskered' jeans which, to me say, "I am man, stare at my penis in awe and glorify it.' I'll get to being in the state of 'awe and glory' later.

My plan is, for his birthday, buy him pants like these. I really hope he likes them.

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