Monday, October 29, 2012

The Facebook Faux pas of relationships

I like to believe that one can remain friends with "the ex" (insert ominous music here) even after one or the other has started a new relationship.  That being said, Facebook is the devil.  It messes up those lines of privacy that people once had, changed how much we WANT to know about other people, and made it so that we no longer control how much information we GET about the person.

Scenario: Bob and Maddie broke up mutually although Maddie did take it harder.  Bob got a new girlfriend and threw a bunch of pics on FB...Maddie drank a LOT that night to deal with those pesky feelings. 

So what exactly do you do when you start dating?  Here's a list of Top 10 FB do's and do not's when in a relationship:

1) If you can't keep your FB open, delete the person.  Yes it's harmless joking or you're used to it or whatever...that doesn't mean it's okay.  If you think someone may message you saying "lets have a sleepover" you may want to consider deleting them.  If you need to hide things, it's not healthy.  You can still be friends but keep it public - face to face (if it's just joking and he's not ACTUALLY asking you to sleep over). 

2) Relationship status can wait - you don't need to immediately put that you're in a new relationship.  Give it some time...seriously, rebounds don't count so give it a LOT of time.  Other people need time to adjust as well.

3) Pics: You don't need to blast your wall with pictures.  Yes you're full of happy hormones but that doesn't mean that everyone else is (or wants to see it).

4) Talk about who you're okay with and who you're not: If you're only friends with someone by means of FB, it may not be the best idea to keep them on when you get into a serious relationship...think about it - you dated them, they're still hanging around but you don't talk often...but they're a constant reminder to the other gal that you had a sex life before her.  Yes, we get it - you got laid...but if I'm not asking, FB shouldn't be doing the telling.  Friends, family, the pastor of your church...but not the pastor's daughter that you had in your parent's back seat.

5) The girl that's just too flirty - "oh hun, that's soooo funny xoxoxo"...gag.  My poor tummy always lurches when a see a Facebook-a-Ho.  They're the girl (or guy) that doesn't understand what they write lacks tone and any sort of background information (aka: they're not that bright) stop being stupid about it!  Don't keep the girl on there that is mushing up your Wall.  It's annoying.

6) Don't keep the boy that the new boyfriend hates: If he's not a friend, really doesn't matter and you know that the two don't get along, is it really going to hurt to let him go?  I'm not saying delete friends or seclude yourself from anyone else - but if you're not a true friend, do you really want to upset him accidentally?

7) Parents/Grandparents - this is always a maybe situation.  If you want privacy, don't expect the new beau to not write on your wall - but perhaps limit some settings?

8) Keep sharp: FB can get out of control very easily.  It's new technology and there are a lot of people that don't understand how to use it properly.  You don't need to advertise your entire life on it. 

9) Avoid Drama: Don't FB the guys ex.  Leave the past in the past...if you need to deal with someone/something, deal with the person you're with - not their baggage.

10) Off-line always matters more - Don't argue online - it never ends well.  The way he treats you offline matters more than stupid rants with the guys that don't involve you on his wall or the fact that he still says "boobies" or...well, just about anything else.  That being said, if he's flirting with someone else, address it.  You've got standards, keep them high. 

FB is like any other tool - use it wisely.  You need to control it, not let it control you.  I find it easier to delete the ex as I don't want to know about their life after.  I'm good - we're over, it's done...and it's too easy to fall back into thinking you like them.  Do what works for you - but keep the other person in mind.  And most importantly...COMMUNICATE!

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