Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dishing about my diet

I realized last night that I spend more time on the bus than I do exercising.  My go-to foods have gone from veggies and hummus to pudding cups and oooh...caramel apple dip.  I'm exhausted all the time, my back is starting to hurt again and I'm not as happy as I was with my body.  So I stepped on the scales.


In 2 weeks, I've gained almost 10lbs.  Now I blame Halloween, stress, schoolwork me.  I got lazy and I gained weight.  I stopped exercising.  I kept eating garbage and my poor tummy is expanding.  So then, as I panicked because I was an epic failure, I realized that it's time to stop pretending.

All that crap I told anyone about being healthy and vegan last year - it was crap.  I stopped eating.  I kept to about 500 calories every day and made myself throw up if I ate anything that made me panic.  I cried almost every night because I was never going to be thin enough and thin enough meant "good enough".  I was warped and I was scared...I finally snapped out of it but I'm not doing that again.  I'm still dealing with the damage that was done.   

But I'm not feeling good at this weight either.  So I made a conscious decision today to eat healthy.  Minimum of 1200 calories.  Get out and walk every day for at least 30 minutes or until I hit 5 hrs per week.  Every week until Christmas.  I get to eat whatever I want (veggie or not) on Friday at Suppertime (This includes a couple beers if I really want to).  This does not mean Friday goes into Saturday, into Sunday etc...

So here's the thing.  I need to learn how to develop a happy medium.  And this time, I'm taking it slowly.

And today, I passed on the cupcake because I just didn't feel like it.  Score 1 for me!

Oh, and a self-promoting plea: follow me on Twitter @Dazedstudent

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