Wishing I could feel nothing

When I started this blog, I determined that no matter who read it, I was going to write. If I would be okay writing it anonymously, I was going to write it. Sometimes, that bites me right in the butt because people either take my sarcasm seriously (and yes, there is sarcasm), or I feel like this and am not sure what to write.

I was asked out for the 1st of January...why not New Years Eve you ask? Well, it's because he has a date. While logically, I understand this is not an exclusive relationship nor have I been completely innocent as per usual but I didn't expect my stomach to feel just a little deflated.

I feel stupid writing this because I understand that it's slightly illogical but who said emotions are supposed to be logical?

I think I'm more irritated that I feel like I'm the 'next day date' and I'm not really okay with that. I don't do sloppy-seconds, I don't want to be second-fiddle and while I've said before, I'm pretty new to actually dating, I dont' think I like this aspect of it.

I'm starting to consider just taking myself out of the dating scene altogether. It just seems like logic and emotions are too intertwined but have to be separate. I feel like I'm playing a game that I don't know the entire rulebook for.