Dear person who rolled your eyes at me while I was talking,
Up yours. I saw that. For the record, you got chunky.
Sincerely,
Sam.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Breaking up
It shouldn't be called breaking up. It should be called fixing something that wasn't working. It's not broken - it's fixed. Therefore it should be called 'fixing up', right?
I broke up with Pookie for the second and last time. He's a great guy - he really is - but you know, something was missing. I don't love him, I don't think I'd ever fall in love with him and he and I (especially me) deserves a whole lot more!
That and I'm going out drinking with a friend later this week - I may or may not think that I would or wouldn't have cheated...hypothetically. This way, I'm innocent.
Well, maybe not totally innocent. But I'll still look cute as a little Irish Lass!
I broke up with Pookie for the second and last time. He's a great guy - he really is - but you know, something was missing. I don't love him, I don't think I'd ever fall in love with him and he and I (especially me) deserves a whole lot more!
That and I'm going out drinking with a friend later this week - I may or may not think that I would or wouldn't have cheated...hypothetically. This way, I'm innocent.
Well, maybe not totally innocent. But I'll still look cute as a little Irish Lass!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Do I look like a nice person? I do? Darn it!
It's time for a story, ladies and gents.
Once upon a time there was a farm called Farmville's. In this farm, there were some chickens - four to be concise. One chicken though kept sticking its head in the tail pipe of the tractor and was slightly loopy - a lovely chicken sometimes and yet, didn't always understand chicken mannerisms. That's okay though - that chicken doesn't really matter anyway in this story.
The head chicken had missed the axe one too many times - the farmer felt sorry for it because it was a little cracked as an egg. It's tongue lolled out to one side and sadly, it was cross-eyed...poor poor chicken.
The other chicken just ran around in circles all day long until it's mother finally said, "You're a rooster darn it - do something rooster-like"...so it ran around in more circles.
The final rooster sat in it's corner pretending to be a nice rooster until someone came by trying to move it to get to the pitchfork. The rooster went crazy - and even laid an egg...a rooster laying an egg? Must be a magic chicken so the farmer sold it to a butcher who waited for it to lay an egg for months - until realizing it was just an egg that fell under the rooster who was causing all the ruckus. Sadly, the rooster was sold to KFC as a...spokesperson...
...
The moral of the story : Be happy you're human. Chickens are all cluckers anyway.
Once upon a time there was a farm called Farmville's. In this farm, there were some chickens - four to be concise. One chicken though kept sticking its head in the tail pipe of the tractor and was slightly loopy - a lovely chicken sometimes and yet, didn't always understand chicken mannerisms. That's okay though - that chicken doesn't really matter anyway in this story.
The head chicken had missed the axe one too many times - the farmer felt sorry for it because it was a little cracked as an egg. It's tongue lolled out to one side and sadly, it was cross-eyed...poor poor chicken.
The other chicken just ran around in circles all day long until it's mother finally said, "You're a rooster darn it - do something rooster-like"...so it ran around in more circles.
The final rooster sat in it's corner pretending to be a nice rooster until someone came by trying to move it to get to the pitchfork. The rooster went crazy - and even laid an egg...a rooster laying an egg? Must be a magic chicken so the farmer sold it to a butcher who waited for it to lay an egg for months - until realizing it was just an egg that fell under the rooster who was causing all the ruckus. Sadly, the rooster was sold to KFC as a...spokesperson...
...
The moral of the story : Be happy you're human. Chickens are all cluckers anyway.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
His hair is brown...but the blond roots tickle his brain
When I'm having one of those days...I laugh with my friends about comments like this via Facebook chat:
Sam: ...My writing intern didn't bother showing up today, I'm exhausted after running on 4 hours sleep the past 2 days...and there is blood coming out of my vagina. Seriously, life sucks
Sam: ...My writing intern didn't bother showing up today, I'm exhausted after running on 4 hours sleep the past 2 days...and there is blood coming out of my vagina. Seriously, life sucks
Fluffy Bunny Part 2
Like all good evil dictators, Fluffy Bunny arose from the grave with an army of minions to attack the peaceful town of John Saint yet again. Even though Fluffy Bunny had been usurped once (I love that word) by the science students, evil bunnies never truly go away.
Tragically, Anthony Enman did lose a portion of his colon as his Fluffy Drumstick came out through the hard way as it regenerated. Flowers and money can be sent to his good friend STinker...she...I mean, Anthony...also likes chocolate.
Anyways...
Fluffy Bunny took power once again and decided to spend an outrageous amount of money on something that most deemed downright stupid - of course, no one ever accused Fluffy Bunny of being a genius...or smart...or anything apart from a few words for a woman's vagina that Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman tend to be fan's of (and if you don't know what those words are, don't look them up).
Fluffy Bunny forced slaves to work on this event - a huge shrine in it's honour - in the middle of the town of John Saint. Hundreds of foreign students passed out from the workload as a huge bunny statue was erected in the town square. The screams of mercy could be heard for kilometers! It was a terrible terrible day.
Our hero, adequately named "AnyonebutBunny" saw the error of Fluffy Bunny's ways but did not know how to get rid of the bunny. Luckily, AnyonebutBunny did what any normal white 18th century British (yes, my hero is British) hero would do...Fluffy Bunny was duct taped up and sent to Australia where it got too fat eating kangaroos and dingos and exploded into a million little pieces.
The foreign students praised AnyonebutBunny and made a pot of rabbit stew in his honour...of course, then the 18th century British hero attempted to enslave the foreign students, got in trouble with the RCMP for racial crimes and is now sitting in prision slightly confused as to how the times changed.
The moral of this story is: Bunnies are evil and all people are equal.
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