I can get a bigger penis

Have you ever stopped to look at spam in your inbox? You know what I mean, the really stupid e-mails that come in, have nothing to do with you, and you're going how did they get my address?

I always laugh at the e-mails telling me a hot Russian girl is waiting for me. That's nice but what am I supposed to do? I mean, I don't WANT a hot Russian girl...unless she's really good at editing a newspaper and is willing to work for peanuts.

I also have to laugh at the 'make it bigger' ads. First off, I don't have a penis so will it make one grow? Second question, where will it grow? I'm going to wind up walking around with a private on my forehead all because of a pill. Dandy. Finally, what happens if you take too much? Ooh...E.P.S (Exploding Penis Syndrome).

What else can I do but laugh over spam? :)

Memory lane took a wrong turn

I had the most funny encounter last night. A fellow told me he had a crush on me since we were little kids. That's adorable, right? Well, not so much. In my cynical nature, I asked him to tell me a story about us hanging out as I didn't believe he actually remembered me (we we never hung out and I was a homely child). He told me ever since I lived on the back road next to another kid he thought I was cute...yep, that wasn't me.

There are moments when I just have to smile and laugh. Ahh, memory lane.

Wishing you all a very merry Christmas

Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones (and the not-so loved ones). As I sit in my living room, taking a break from DDR, listening to a cat snore and growl in it's sleep, I would like to ask everyone to remember that the holidays are a time for joy and celebration. Please, don't ruin the holidays for those who love you by drinking and driving.

Even if you never have an accident, you're setting an example and the ones who watch you may be the ones to say "It's okay because _____ does it."

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time...don't let is also be a memorial day for you or your loved ones. Take the keys away, hogtie them to a chair with duct tape and superglue...call the police if you have to and bring Christmas cookies in the morning to apologize.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

Sincerely,

Samantha Tinker

The amount of work that goes into the mop on my head

Almost any woman who bothers doing their hair will say that a good hair day will make or break their evening. I've got really fine hair that has NO volume so for me, it's a 10-step process.

Step 1- Blowdry hair with Conair thermocare round hair brush with roots lifted

Step 2- Shake so much Chi or G2B volumizing powder in hair, I can't breathe. Stop when lungs are full and hacking commences. Seal in place with G2B Fat-tastic hairspray

Step 3- Backcomb until hair is standing on end. When I look like the bride of Frankenstein, it's ready

Step 4- Add another couple squirts of hairspray for good measure

Step 5- Look in mirror, cringe, and start to get a part going on, use the round brush to start smoothing out the frizz-fest

Step 6- Straighten the ends with a small straightener.

Step 7- Section off a part on top to smooth out, make sure the back is poofy, flip over the smooth part so the rat's nest is hidden

Step 8- Add more Chi Powder with spray to make sure the hair stays in place (If I don't do this, the back-combing won't stay in place and it'll go flat).

Step 9- Wonder why I don't just accept my straight hair or get a perm. Ponder for a few moments as I finally get my breath back from the haze of hairspray in my room

Step 10- Step out into the rain/snow without an umbrella, curse Mother Nature, wear hat because the hour of work is rinsed out. Give up.

On top of all this, I have to attempt to remember who likes what hairstyle. New guy for example, hates the feel of the Chi powder (a heads up: it really does make your hair feel disgusting), D believed my extensions weren't fake and hauled on them (ow), and going out means planning for the Atlantic weather as much as possible.

It's fun being a woman, right?

It finally happened

Someone from Australia stumbled across the awesomeness that is my blog :) Santa really does exist and he granted me a Christmas wish...now, where's my pony?