Ice cream and studying

There is a positive correlation between studying and ice cream in my world. Even though it decimates my stomach - I have realized that studying needs ice cream. A lot of ice cream...and then I wonder why I'm not tiny...it's because I like food.

The stuff I've done in the past year

Have you ever thought you don't do enough? I have always said I am so privileged to be at this university - to be at any university, really. I went from an abusive, crappy marriage to being the person I have always wanted to be. I wake up in the morning happy to be alive - and that's something since I deal with bipolar and have been suicidal before.

I was asked to write a list of what I've done this year for a reference letter - the professor who wanted it knew some things I have done and the academic work I've done. I wrote 1.5 pages in size 10 font.

Lately, I've felt as though my volunteering and contributions haven't been enough, but in all honestly, I've just done different things this year. From speaking to a grade 10 class, helping out with WUSC when I can or even just working with the paper, I really do love trying to give back.

Okay, so this isn't a blog of "I'm amazing" but it is to say maybe we should take inventory of our lives more often...see if we're on the path we want to be. If we are, we can take a moment to be happy and know that we're touching lives. If we aren't...we have the opportunity to change it.

Would you cheat?

That is the question of all questions, isn't it? What is cheating exactly? If someone kisses me and I don't kiss back, is that cheating? What if I kneed him in his manhood as he kissed me and left one of his testicles in his nostril? Would I still have been cheating?

What if I didn't cheat physically, but was cheating emotionally? Is there such a thing as emotionally cheating? If there is, where is my emotional penis located (what can I say? I'm more like a guy when it comes to emotions!)?

Is cheating a sign that you're not happy? Is it a sign that you're just a terrible person?

Cheating is such a subjective action - like love (yes, love is an action). Love can be expressed in different ways - words, emotions, actions. So can cheating - hateful words against the person you're with, emotionally cheating or wanting to be with someone else, or just hopping in the sack...it's all cheating.

I guess what I don't understand is why people - myself included because I've done it - cheat. It's like morning sickness - sans fetus. I wake up in the morning and that's the first thing on my mind -then I puke...and throughout the day, sometimes I feel terrible with waves of nausea (yep, I'm that sort of emotional) - and other times, I forget about it.

BTW - I'm still in the process of deciding whether I can handle a relationship but I don't think cheating is the best way to do it - seems like an easy way to get him to break up with me...but I'd feel rotten. New plan: Skywriting "I like you too much to do this any longer"...that works, eh?

DILLIGAF

I usually get nervous when dealing with confrontation - as Anthony will attest to. It's not that I'm scared but I start to panic, worry, and then just go a little batcrap crazy...and obsess over the situation.

Oddly enough, I have a meeting tonight that I'm sure will be interesting and I'm to a point of - in the infamous words of Kat Von D - DILLIGAF. That's right - Do I look like I give a F***?

There is a time and a place for drama - it's place is on stage at the Imperial Theater. As far as my world goes, it can go somewhere else because I'm done. I have yet to ever give credit to people who cannot explain, at least via e-mail, what is wrong and will not start now. I don't do passive-aggressive, I don't accept threats, and I certainly don't laugh off things I find important.

The crappiest I felt in the past two weeks is when I doubted myself - and instead of dealing with something I took seriously, I laughed it off. You know what - My big girl panties are back on and I think it's time to set things right again.

Odd question

Where the heck is Tunisia? Thanks for checking out my blog all you folks from...well, wherever it is you're from. I'm googling it as I write :)

Ahh...so that's where it is!