Saturday, December 17, 2011

The argument over a jacket

As I sit at my table on Grand Manan, attempting to write a lecture titled: "Using your writing to your advantage" or some other lame-ass title for a pretty awesome speech, I realized I was hearing the echoing of my parents arguing wafted through the house. What were they arguing about, you ask...A jacket. Whose jacket was it? Where did it come from? Who bought the jacket?

My favorite quip came from my father as he said, "Well, I'm sorry but I didn't buy this jacket."
My mother's retort? "You might not have bought it but it's yours. Put it on."
Dad: "But I didn't need a work jacket."
Mom: "No, you needed a good jacket." (Round one goes to the mother)

As I listen to this slightly comedic argument ultimately won by mother who made my father try on the jacket, explaining the purpose of having said jacket, and basically just bombarding him with reasons why, yes, it was in fact his, it dawned on me about where I get my ability to argue. The opposing council would be shaking if they meet my mother.

Finally, in attempting to listen to the argument, I stepped on one cat, riled up two dogs, and spooked one cat into landing on the ceiling. I'm glad to be back but we've got some messed up animals in this house.

My first weekend home, however, is going to be mellow. I'm enjoying my time in bed (alone) and am all dolled up in my super-sexy pj's...they're certainly a 'hoot.' It's now 9:40...I'm off to snuggle into bed! Having no more class until January is amazing!

Gift wrap is designed to drive good people to the bottle

Gift wrapping is always an adventure when I get to work. I haul out the safety scissors, duct tape, glue, bandaids, whiskey and occasionally, bubble wrap. It doesn't matter if the present is in a box, bag, or is perfectly square, I cannot get it to look good. My steps for gift wrapping are as followed. Please learn from my mistakes:

Step one- Find wrapping paper/tape/glue/post-it notes and anything else that might work to hide said present.
Step two- lay present in the middle of wrapping paper
Step three- Drink wine in an attempt to be more sophisticated as I wrap presents
Step four- Tape paper to box or directly to the present at any angle possible. Give up hiding present in paper.
Step five- Find duct tape
Step six- Grab dog, attach duct tape roll to their tail. Hold end of tape. Throw treat. Section off long pieces of duct tape this way until present is completely covered.
Step seven- Remove duct tape from dog
Step eight- Remove teeth from arm
Step nine- Give up on wine, go for the cup of Fireball...add a shot of eggnog for some festive cheer
Step ten- Promise yourself (like you do every year) that you will invest in a professional to wrap said presents.
Step eleven- Go see the nurses at the hospital with your pre-baked cookies for them to get your yearly shots against animal disease and stitches for the bites.

Tomorrow's Blog: Why baking holiday cookies is deadly.

Rumours

Being back on Grand Manan always has it's advantages and disadvantages. This time the rumour-mill is swishing with gossip...just not about me! Oh thank goodness. I am not pregnant, addicted to crack, sleeping with multiple people and a sheep or selling small children to the community school for slave labour.

The best one I've heard so far is:

Grand Mananer: "So are you down for the wedding?"
Me: What wedding?
GM: Your sisters wedding?
Me: What wedding?

Fortunately for me, all I've heard is "I saw you on TV" or "I heard you on the radio"...everyone is famous in a small town!

whining

After reading last night's post, I have made a new decision: No blogging when tired! Apparently, I get whiny.

Today is progressing wonderfully already. I awoke at an early 7:45 (if you haven't noticed, my typical bedtime is a couple hours before that, however, I was in bed by 11pm last night), I have a hair appointment in which I'm not terrified that she'll mess it up like I am in the city, and finally, I have my puppy, my other puppy, my ugly cat, and 2 new ones...one of which will bark for food (not really, but she's all about the treats).

Pictures later, I'm sure :)

Friday, December 16, 2011

25 things I cannot do on Grand Manan

I realized as I was curled up in someone else's bed enjoying the remnants of a whiskey buzz that I was going to be home for almost three whole entire weeks. Three weeks. Almost 21 days. After I stopped mentally cursing (okay, so there was some vocal cursing as well), I realized I was pretty happy to be going home for the holidays but I was going to miss my freedom in Saint John.

Being from a small town (we're talking 1500 people tops - we get excited over a new streetlight small), there's a few things I can't do for a few good reasons. As per my usual blog-quickly style since I am slightly exhausted and ready for bed...here goes. 25 things I cannot do on Grand Manan

-Get off Grand Manan any time I want
-See a certain bloke who believes I'm ridiculously young and wearing false eyelashes
-Get Starbucks and chill with a book there
-Relax in my office
-Go to the library with a coffee (apparently, the GM library is archaic and believes students don't need caffeine and then we wonder why the good kids are on Ritalin)
-Hook up with a stranger (not that I'd want to...but I know everyone here so they're not strangers)
-Anything in secret (literally, can't get away with anything)
-Go see a movie at the theater
-Eat fast food (we don't have it)
-Get Tim Horton's coffee (don't have that either)
-Go to a club (not that I really go to clubs, but we don't have those either)
-Date (I'm related to most of them, the others are married or diseased)
-Take public transit...guess what, we don't have that either
-Go to a bar...no comment on the slight excuse for a bar that we may or may not have because it's absolutely useless.
-Go outside my room without getting dog/cat hair on my clothes
-Eat real ethnic food
-Have pizza delivered
-Order pizza past 10pm...possibly 9
-Walk around the entire grocery store and not know anyone
-Get my heel fixed on my shoe
-Wear short/cute clothing without getting grumped at by my grandparents or mother
-Speed...there's just no point (the movement, not the drug).
-Steal a car (where would I take it? There's water all around me).
-Get channels about 35 on cable
And finally...I can't wear heels because there is no good sidewalks and everything is too far.

Since I'm being whiny and grumpy, I'm taking my whiskey and going to bed...sans whiskey. G'night and let the Christmas countdown commence.