Four Words from a Past Memory

"How's your easter going"....That's the text I got from "1" this evening.  1 is the one guy I regret pushing away from me...and quite out of the blue I get this text.  Let's just say, more words and memories went through my head in a minute than the entire day.

If I could apologize for my words and actions, it would be the most heartfelt apology this ice queen could muster.  I'm sorry that I got scared.  I realized that I could in fact feel things for a guy again and I wanted that...but that scared me.  He broke down my 'ice queen' heart - the one that allowed me to hurt anyone, be careless with people's emotions, and walk away perfectly in control and unfeeling.  That was terrifying and admittedly, I handled it horribly.  I pulled away fast, I intentionally hurt him, I blamed him for my own fears, and didn't even realize I was doing it.

I'm sorry that I didn't realize it because I lost a pretty amazing friend...someone I could tell anything to and know it would stay hidden away.  I could get his advice on anything from my fashion choice to school.  And we had fun.

I sort of hope he still reads my blog because I miss him. 

My chats with my Grampy

Over the past few days, I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my grandfather. Even with the stress, it's been a blessing to have that time with him.  We've had some great talks about different things and here are some things I've picked up on:

-Love isn't about expression, it's visible in a person's face. Gramp looks at Gram like she is the most beautiful, valuable, wonderful woman in the entire world. 

-Justin Beiber is young and is making too much money.  Stop worshiping these kids - it's not healthy on them...or on the people who are idolizing their heroes!

-His faith isn't a part of him, it is him.  He told me if I cry when he dies it will be because I miss him but he'll be in a better place (because THAT made me feel better).

-He is happy because he is content with what he has. He doesn't want more 'stuff'

-He's proud of me and loves me unconditionally.  I might not be a parent...but I wouldn't mind a grandkid someday :)