-16.8lbs and once again eating real food.

I went for a run thinking I'd be okay a few days ago.  I'm not entirely sure why...I hadn't eaten for 5 days and hardly drank any of the lemonaid I was supposed to drink on my quick weight loss diet.  Anyways, I felt miserable and so, I ate something.  Yep, I made soup.  

Now, some would call this a failure - I read one blog post about how I was, in fact, a failure and shouldn't be proud of myself for quitting this "cleanse" (fad diet that I had no intentions of maintaining for any amount of time).  My response was an eloquent "Screw you. Go eat something. You're being nasty from being HUNGRY!"  

I lost about 8lbs on the diet (WOOT!) but more than that, I restarted myself on a very clean, healthy eating program.  I'm back to vegetarian (except seafood right now as I'm on a salmon/calamari kick).  I've only been eating for two days and have FINALLY weaned myself off the desire to snack while doing homework.  So far, so good.

That being said, by day five I had recognized that this was something that could lead me back to that really dark place I was in a couple summers ago.  Yes, I was thin...I was also quite sick.  So please, if you feel you may have any sort of disordered eating, don't do this.  This is the first time I recognized it and decided to eat something...even if I gained an ounce or two.  I made a huge pot of calamari, roasted red pepper and tomato stew (yum), strawberries and celery and bought vegan protein powder (kind of gritty but great flavour).  

And guess what? I've still lost weight!  So far, since I went gluten free I've lost 16.8lbs.  I'm still planning to lose a significant amount of weight before Guatemala.  I've got another 28.2lbs until I hit my goal weight.  Using the NOOM app, I'm on schedule for July 6th if I lose 2lbs/week. 

Right now, I have a really cute (and clingy) dress to wear in exactly 7 days (and graduation on May 31st) so I'm working out a little harder and yes, eating a little less.  I'm pounding back water - no pop, no juice.  I'm drinking less than 3 cups of coffee daily (usually try to limit it to just one).  I eat breakfast (protein shakes) every day and try to eat a snack before bed that is about 150 calories.

Weight loss isn't easy - Gaining weight is.  Doing nothing about it is also really easy.  Deciding to be healthy is a choice.  It doesn't take fancy gadgets or expensive food - it means changing your mindset and deciding that being healthy is better.  

For me, it's about getting down that final 28lbs and then learning to be happy at that weight.  The first part I can do easily enough - I have a lot of willpower...the second part...well, more to come on that later.  

Day 5 MasterCleanse

It's halfway over.  Whoever says this mastercleanse cleanse is fun or enlightening is full of crap.  Well, no they aren't full of crap because they've pooped it all out from the laxative tea one needs to drink.

I'm hungry.  I'm grumpy.  I'm an angry individual at the moment.  I want pizza, hot dogs, steak, sausage, hamburgers, sandwiches...basically all the foods I don't (or can't) eat.  

The good thing about all this is that I'm using this diet to lose weight.  I'm vegetarian, I am gluten and dairy free, and I exercise 4-6 times a week so I don't really bother with cleanses.  The problem is that I am feeling a little poofy lately because of the gluten weight gain.  Try about 20lbs in a month.  It sucked!

So yes, this isn't a healthy diet.  If you think it is, go talk to a nutritionist.  If you're desperate to lose some weight before an event, try the Mastercleanse.  

Weight loss to date: 7.5lbs in 5 days.    

  

That Stupid Voice

I heard that voice again tonight - it was the same one I heard constantly two years ago.  It was just a whisper in the back of my head that told me if I just stop eating, Bamp will get better...figure that one out.  I know logically this is a lie - it is physically impossible. 

I know it's my mind's way of coping with stress - it's easier to focus on being hungry, on losing weight, on obsessing with every calorie than it is to be afraid or cry every time I'm alone.  

I know I can't listen to that voice.  I can't give in for a second or else I'm going to be sick again.  My body will be sore, I'll be full of bruises and I'll have my fingers down my throat once again.  I don't need to go back to that place again - it was hard enough to crawl out of the first two times around.  So I'm going to go get a shower...then I'm going to drink some juice and eat a spoonful of peanut butter.

Welcome to the world of anxiety...it manifests itself in so many ways but none of them are healthy.  

    

Health and Wellbeing

Unfortunately, it looks like I have an intolerance to not only dairy but gluten.  First and foremost, I want to assure all my blog readers that I am working with a doctor to a) diagnose me and b) help me help myself. 

To those who have questions about this, I'm going to give a very simple low-down on what I've done as far as research and how to go about changing one's diet.

1) I stuck with what I knew - Fruit, veggies and potato are safe as is 'real' meat (meaning chicken, beef, or pork - NOT lunchmeat, sausage or anything with a list of ingredients).  Since I know I can eat that and not be hurt, that's what I've been eating.  I've slowly branched out to gluten-free tortillas, homemade pudding and other foods.

2) I researched - I used websites from nutritionists that sounded valid.  Blogs of people who self-diagnose or think every single symptom is a sign of an illness without going to a doctor gets ignored.  Blogs that are confusing (ie: say they are dairy free but have a lot of cheese or milk in the recipes) get ignored.  I have been using healthfulpursuits.com as a staple lately because it's so simple and healthy.

3) I stay positive - I can look at this two ways: I can't have cake, cookies or cupcakes and that sucks OR I feel better by just modifying my diet.  I don't need surgery, I don't need medication for the rest of my life...I'm really lucky!  People have allergies and intolerance all the time - peanut butter would be hard for me as would citrus fruit, alcohol or spices...this just means a change, some modifications.  Staying positive is healthy in its own right.  If it gets frustrating, take a break - go back to a safe food and try again later!

4) Listen to your doctor...and your body.  I'm on pills for an ulcer - even if it isn't an ulcer, the pills won't hurt me.  I also cut out dairy in my first week and gluten in my second (after he suggested tests for an allergy).  So far, I feel amazing.  Now, admittedly this could be a placebo effect or even a coincidence - but if I feel good, I'll take it!

5) Make friends - seriously! Make friends with people who have the same allergies or illness.  You WILL appreciate the support and knowing that the feelings of being overwhelmed or even scared are normal! They will help you more than I can even express.

6) Ignore some comments - I've had people assume I'm on a diet, a cleanse, I'm just stressed, or every other possible excuse for what 'could' be wrong.  I have an intolerance.  Because some foods make me feel yucky, I will not be eating them anymore.  If I gain or lose weight from it, for now I'll accept it.  It's not a cleanse - I don't really buy into those.  Yes I'm stressed...I always have been.  I don't need a non-medical doctor to attempt to diagnose me (except for my friend Dana who has had this pegged for years!).

So blog world, if you're in the same boat I am - you're going to be okay! Promise...it's a little scary at times but calm down, do some research, and take your health into your own hands!

Here are some of my staples that have helped me along (All gluten and dairy free):

Earth Balance Buttery Spread 
Daiya cheese
Gluten free tortillas
Spinach
Bananas
Apples
Potatoes (they are cheap and a carb - BONUS)
Tomatoes
garlic and onion
Fruit (anything on sale!)
Almond milk
Peanut Butter
Chicken thighs
Watermelon
Chocolate Mint oolong tea (check for wheat)
Chai tea (check for wheat)

So that's what is stocked in my freezer! I hope it helps anyone that is dealing with allergies! Have a great night everyone :D 

Day 1: Mastercleanse part 2

Okay - the maple syrup concoction isn't half bad. Kinda tasty. I also have enough energy to go for a pretty successful run - the Sommerset hill SUCKS!

Also, Nestle pure life sparkling water with lime= yummy. It's water...therefore it's okay - okay so some people say it is and some say it isn't. I like it therefore, it is.

The giving up caffeine...not so good. Massive freaking headache. Seriously, what is this doing to my body if I want to rip my eyes out and shove them down someone's throat?

Anyways, I have an exam at 9am so I'm going to study for an hour after showering and go to bed. gnight!

Day 1: Mastercleanse

I decided to start the mastercleanse today for 2 reasons: 1) I believe stupid diets should be tested by people to give honest results and 2) who's more honest than me? Oh yeah, and this semester has KILLED my waistline and ass so I'm jumpstarting the diet/running.

So with lemons, water, cayenne pepper and maple syrup in hand...Supper was a surprisingly decent concoction...a little too spicy though.

Okay folks, so for the next 7 days, you're getting the ins and the outs of this diet and we're going to see what happens. My prediction - it's massively going to suck but after it's done, I'll feel better running.