I don't deal with whiners

Whining is something that I can't handle.  If you're upset with something, fix it.  Do something about it.  Whining seems like a cop-out - it's a way to be lazy and not actually deal with the issue.  Yes, I understand being overwhelmed, annoyed, angry etc - but whining is just complaining.  Thought: stop being part of the problem and help fix it.

I recently dated a guy whose major flaw was whining.  He was in debt - do something about it, don't just complain or worse, ignore the problem and then complain when it got really bad.  He was depressed - how about eating healthy? setting a schedule for yourself? exercise? or if necessary, go to the doctor and get some anti-depressants (I will always advocate these as a last resort option but still an option if necessary).  He hated his job - find another one. 

It was constant and it became really boring.  It was the sort of stagnant relationship that I am completely against.  It wasted my time, sucked the energy out of me and left us watching a lot of movies.  No thanks.

Whining seems to correlate with a lack of ambition which is also frustrating.  I'm working and going to school and writing a freakin' amazing blog so I'm a huge believer in ambition.  I have a huge problem with people who live in a pipe dream.  Yes, some dreams are unachievable - I want a pet dragon...probably not going to happen.  That being said, I also want to get to Guatemala - so I'm putting money away.  I want to finish school so I study.  I want to get in shape so I'm eating healthy and exercising...well, I'm eating healthy - I'm busy!   I don't want to date a guy exactly like me - but I like people who have plans, determination, desire and productivity!  Excuses, complaints, and whining just doesn't cut it for me. 

So I'm single again and actually LOVING it! I'm free to do what I want, I'm focusing more on myself and loving my life! I'm not stressing over other people's issues and I'm happy about that.  Maybe the lesson in this blog is date someone similar to yourself and dump them if you find your soul being sucked out through your nose.  A new relationship shouldn't be stressful...it should be the really fun time - give it at least four months before they start complaining and showing major character flaws (or issues).  Maybe I should just stay single. 

The new post-hookup chat

At one point in time, the hardest question or discussion after a hook-up was "I'm pregnant" or maybe "I need an abortion" or something equally as horrible. It wasn't easy but to be honest, I do wonder if the post-hook-up chats are more complicated now.

Think about it - pregnancy can be 'controlled' (mostly) by birth control/condoms etc, people have the option of abortion - it's legal. Granted, I don't think I'd go that route but it is legal. But how do you have the "So, do you have any crotch-region diseases I should know about that will potentially make me feel like a social outcast, could cause infertility or perhaps a decent dose of crazy combined with yellow/green/ (hahah blue) discharge?"

In a perfect world, this discussion should happen before penis/vagina action - it really should but people do stupid things under the influence of sex, drugs, or just the heat of the moment (or an interesting combination). One of the hardest things I've had to tell people who ask about this is "Just be blunt and ask because you have the right to know someone's sexual history if you've been a part of it."

Also, don't forget that some STI's aren't contained with a condom. Herpes is still a possibility. Condoms break and are you sure you used one 100% of the time? It's not that hard to 'slip' or forget, especially where you're under the influence. Yes, I know you want to think of yourself as a mature, responsible adult - but that also means admitting that sometimes you're damn stupid.

Understandably, some people will get offended even if you ask about sexual health and history before you hook up. I suggest you walk away quickly and RUN to the doctor if you're asking in the harsh sunlight of the next day. If someone is offended by a question like that, it shows a sincere ignorance for their own personal health.

Admittedly (not my admittedly of course because I firmly believe what happens, happens and I neither regret nor apologize for a mutual decision) hooking up is awkward the next morning anyways. You're out of "that moment," the magic that is booze wore off and crap, they're not as cute as you remember (sometimes they are - but usually post-coital, they aren't) and it's a little weird.

I describe it as feeling like you're walking around in soggy sneakers. Maybe no one else will know, maybe you can keep it to yourself, maybe you don't care a whole lot or it's great (Like running through puddles during a summer rain-shower) but at some point, it's a little uncomfortable...especially if the other person is feeling awkward.

Be responsible with your health, people. Currently Saint John has an outbreak of STI's - some of which have some terrible repercussions. If he's (or she) hooking up with you, chances are he's hooking up with other people and this can EASILY get messy (in several ways). Have fun but be safe with your health.

You can put a baby up for adoption but try telling the person you have fallen in love with that you have HIV. I can't imagine what that's like but it must sort of suck. An STD is not like cancer - people generally don't offer to bake you a casserole or take you to the doctor when you need it. They shun you because you're "dirty"...and that's scary. It's terrifying to think of yourself as society would think of you so people think ignorance is bliss.

Guess what - it's not! So be safe, have fun and ask the hard questions at some point. You have the right to be healthy. You have the right to be happy - now put the two together!

Asking the right questions

As watching 'The Doctors' the question was finding out about what was TMI on a first date. Personally, I don't believe in dating someone I don't know at all...I'd rather know the basics: Religion, politics, how they feel about dating/marriage, health etc. Even the 'taboo' subjects like, what's your number? Last time they had an STD/STI check? Do they have an STD? Do I know their ex's?

I mean, lets be realistic, why would I date someone and perhaps develop an emotional attachment to someone who doesn't hit my expectations? I want to know if someone has been married (or perhaps, is married), whether they have a political affiliation, and their religion.

Doesn't it make more sense to text/chat before the date and maybe get to know one another? I mean, what happens if you have nothing in common...so much easier to say "yeah, not interested at all" via computer.

Also, I'm a firm believer in having a list of deal-breakers. For example:

-If you're sexually active and haven't had an STD test, you don't stand a chance with me. If you don't care about your own health, you don't care about mine and in today's world, it's ignorance only to not be tested.

-If (by this age) you just haven't thought about religion and politics and have no idea what your values are. It doesn't mean this won't change, but at least it's something that you've thought about.

-If you hate all your ex's, chances are I'll just be another girl you hate eventually. I'm good thanks.

-If I know your ex's. I'm from a small town and I know people from all over lower NB. There's a difference between knowing one or two of the ex's and saying "okay well it was a decent relationship" and saying "oh...umm...I know that person. Ew." It just gets rather irritating and I don't feel like a relationship should be irritating so I'm good just being friends. Could this change? Sure. Would it be a rare possibility? Absolutely!

People SHOULD be picky about who they date...this could be the person you spend a very long time with and you may as well ask questions that are pass/fail to weed out the people you don't want to date.

Just a thought

In need of whiskey and beer...and tequila: Figuring out the opposite sex

My new favorite line:

"Life was much easier when you could just pass a note that said, "Check yes or no...." and if they checked no, you could trip them on the playground, and then just move on."
-Girl's Got Shine

It really is so true though...And in the meantime, I want to talk to D and tell him he should ditch his friends tomorrow and go out with me for drinks after my exams...or else trip him